Psalm 91
1 He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High
will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.
2 I will say of the LORD, "He is my refuge and my fortress,
my God, in whom I trust."
3 Surely he will save you from the fowler's snare
and from the deadly pestilence.
4 He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge;
his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.
5 You will not fear the terror of night,
nor the arrow that flies by day,
6 nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness,

nor the plague that destroys at midday.
7 A thousand may fall at your side,

ten thousand at your right hand,

but it will not come near you.
8 You will only observe with your eyes

and see the punishment of the wicked.
9 If you make the Most High your dwelling—

even the LORD, who is my refuge-
10 then no harm will befall you,

no disaster will come near your tent.
11 For he will command his angels concerning you

to guard you in all your ways;
12 they will lift you up in their hands,

so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.
13 You will tread upon the lion and the cobra;

you will trample the great lion and the serpent.
14 "Because he loves me," says the LORD, "I will rescue him;

I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name.
15 He will call upon me, and I will answer him;

I will be with him in trouble,

I will deliver him and honor him.
16 With long life will I satisfy him

and show him my salvation."

I was young, and terrified of the dark. I could hardly sleep at night, I was so afraid, and even my dreams would scare me. My mom, had me memorize this passage. Yes, the whole passage. And everytime I got scared, I'd start repeating it, and I could feel the peace of God. Now, here I am many years later, and when I am scared or anxious, or just worrying, I go back to this passage. Now, I ask myself a few questions as I recite Psalms 91.

Am I dwelling in the secret place of the Most High? Am I running to Him for shelter? Have I called upon Him? Do I love the Lord? His promises are always true, but I must realize that I have to go to Him.

Lord, I am need of Your shelter. Cover me with the shadow of Your wings. I will find my peace in You, my refuge and my fortress.

The Valley Song by Jars of Clay

You have led me to the sadness
I have carried this pain
On a back bruised, nearly broken
I'm crying out to you

Chorus
I will sing of Your mercy
That leads me through valleys of sorrow
To rivers of joy

When death like a Gypsy
Comes to steal what I love
I will still look to the heavens
I will still seek your face
But I fear you aren't listening
Because there are no words
Just the stillness and the hunger
For a faith that assures

Chorus x2

Alleluia, alleluia
Alleluia, alleluia
While we wait for rescue
With our eyes tightly shut
Face to the ground using our hands
To cover the fatal cut
And though the pain is an ocean
Tossing us around, around, around
You have calmed greater waters
Higher mountains have come down

Chorus

Yeah
Alleluia, alleluia
Alleluia, alleluia
Alleluia, alleluia alleluia, alleluia
Alleluia, alleluia alleluia, alleluia

Chorus (4 Xs)
Oh, Lord sing of Your mercy,
MercyYour mercy

Like A Cloud Over My Head

First let me just say "Ugh!"

For several months now I have been dealing with some abnormal "female" issues (guys reading I'm sure this will bore you!). And last month, it finally got to a point that I just could not ignore it anymore. I know ignoring a problem is never a good idea, but I have never enjoyed going to the doctor, and I don't like the way they look at me after seeing my family history. Thus the cloud over my head.

So, I'll go back a little and give some background. It starts with my grandad dying of cancer when I was really young. I don't really know what type, I've only assumed it was lung cancer cause I know he smoked. Then, a few years later, his wife, my grandmother lost a long battle with breast cancer. And when I was in the 5th grade, my mom discovered a lump in her breast, but by the time she was diagnosed with cancer, it was too late to do anything except chemo. She lost her battle about 6 months later.

This is the family history that doctors look at, and immediately lable me. I have fought the fears of cancer for a long time, and I had finally felt as though I had gained a victory over that fear, until just before I turned 30. I received a letter from my other grandmother, and in it she explained how she was always concerned with my health, and that it was important for me to do self examinations, and get mammograms. Most people, I'm sure would appreciate the gesture, and I did, but at the same time I was flooded with a terrible nightmare, I thought had gone away. My mother was just 32 when she died, and I am now only 2 years shy of that age.

So, two weeks ago, I found myself sitting in the office of an OBGYN, having the conversations, I had run from for a long time. "Given your family history, I'm going to make some suggestions..." and she proceeded to tell me all things I didn't want to hear; mammogram and a DNA test to see if I have a cancer gene. Do I really need that? I already know that I am at a greater risk of getting cancer than most women, so why do I need this test? And if I do take it and it shows that I do have this gene, what next? My options; masectomy. Do I want to know?

Then on to the reason I was there. I had previously had an ultrasound, that showed a "something" in my uterus, but they weren't sure what it was, and now the doctor was telling me that to be sure, they needed another ultrasound, one that would give them a better view. On Monday, I got the results of that ultrasound. There is a thickening of the lining, and a polyp of decent size. So, next week, I'm going back to the doctor, only this time to remove the polyp so that it can be sent for testing.

Playing this waiting game has opened a door seeds of fear. Everyday, I am bombarded with thoughts of "what if". My prayer lately has been for peace. And I have been reminding myself of Phillipians 4:8-9

8Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. 9Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.

Thank you for your prayers!

Run For Your Life

This was a very moving video. We are in a battle, and souls are being lost every day. Eph 6:10-17 reminds us that this is a battle not against people, but against spiritual forces. Yesterday in church it was said that we take it personally when we are under attack or struggling spititually. When Goliath taunted the Isrealites, and when the enemy tries to stir up fear in us, or taunts us, he is mocking God. But what do we do? We run away, or we hide, or even surrender, when we should be running to the battle, trusting that God is on our side! It's not about me. I see that now, and I want to stand strong in the Lord, and His might. I will trust in Him!

By Your Word

Upon this straight and narrow path
You have placed my feet.
Your devine and perfect will
You promise to complete.

And so with faith and trust in You
I take the next step for'ard,
Not looking to the left or right,
But looking to Your word.

'Tis a lamp that lights the way
Never to go out,
Shining in the dark of night
Removing fear and doubt.

Together Lord walking on
Through the desert and the flood.
You gently lead and guide my way
Within Your Holy word.

My Soul Cries Out

In the hollow of Your hands You have measured
The depths of every sea
Wht the breadth of Your hands You have marked out
The width of the skies
You are Creator of the heavens
Maker of the earth
And You created me.

My soul, my soul cries out

You are
Magnificent, wonderful
Lord of all the earth.
You are
Marvelous, powerful
Lord of all the earth.
You are Holy, You are Holy, You are Holy

With the breath from Your spirit, You have breathed
Life to dry bones
With the words from Your mouth You have spoken
Life into existance
You are the Breath of Life
Maker of the earth
And You created me.

My soul, my soul cries out

You are
Magnificent, wonderful
Lord of all the earth.
You are
Marvelous, Powerful
Lord of all the earth.
You are Holy, You are Holy, You are Holy!

This is mostly inspired by Isaiah 40:12. I was reading it recently and just in awe at the majesty of God. The very God who can hold the waters of the whole earth, holds me. The very God who created the seas and the heavens, created me!