And Now You Know

And, The reveal...

2012-01-02T20:55:00.001-06:00

My husbands great idea?...
Use paint samples to make collages!
BRILLIANT!
FREE!
I'll have to post more pictures later. Right now he's trying to get me to work out!
New Years resolutions, gotta love 'em!

The husband said what?

2012-01-02T13:13:00.001-06:00

After putting away the tree and decorations, the living room wall looked quite barren.

Sitting and pondering the sadness of my walls, Stacy breaks the silence.

"I have an idea, if you trust me, and it will be nearly free!"

I think all I heard was,

"Blah, blah, idea, blah blah blah FREE!"

So, I will leave you in suspense!

What idea did Stacy have?

How could it be free?

And will I trust him?

I feel brilliant!

2012-01-02T12:20:00.001-06:00

I know that sounds so prideful, and you may already have received the revelation I'm about to reveal, but I can't help but share!

This Christmas, I tried to do as many crafty things for decoration as I could. One of those was a painted wreath. I first thought about wrapping my already hung pictures in wrapping paper and putting bows on them. But then, I thought how awesome and fun it would be for my girls to do something.

So, I wrapped a painting (a $10 picture from Target, not Monet or anything) with the white back of the paper showing.

This would be our canvas.

I then pulled out the water based red and green paint and covered the girls hands.

It turned out so cute!

So cute in fact, I couldn't bring myself to just throw it away.

But how would I store it?

Why with the left over wrapping paper roll, you say?

YES! BRILLIANCE!

It stores so nicely! Can't wait to pull it out next year (or should I say later this year)!

I pray you all had a blessed Christmas and Happy New Year!

Crater of Diamonds and More Unearthing of My Heart

2011-10-28T09:56:00.000-05:00

Last week, my husband took some vacation time. Because it was sort of short notice we didn't really have time to go anywhere fancy, and so we looked at the map to see what was close by. Texas being such a big state, we knew we didn't want to spend the majority of our time driving across it. Arkansas, here we come!

It was a short 4 hour drive to Murfreesboro, and in no time we were digging our way to a retirement fund! Ha, not really! For those who have no clue what I'm talking about, here is a little insight:

Crater of Diamonds

Being the amateurs that we were, we picked a comfortable spot close to the entrance, and started digging. The girls were excited! Caeli just knew we were going to strike it rich and find a diamond, and Alyvia was concerned that everyone else would beat us to the diamonds, and we would leave empty handed (which we did).

We had filled one bucket full of dirt, and Stacy and Caeli had headed off to the washery (I guess that is what you call it, I'm so official!). Alyvia was skipping and throwing rocks, and I was busy digging (but not enough to really get dirty, it was very superficial). I would thrust my shovel into the ground and pull up some fresh muddy dirt, and then Alyvia and I would comb through it (sort of), and then I would dig some more.

Suddenly...

I hit something hard. A large rock! You know the kind (well if you've ever done any digging of any kind for any reason), buried beneath lots of dirt, and all you can see is one tiny corner, but you know its gotta be huge cause you can't just reach in and pull it out. So, I got my shovel and tried to find where this rock ended.

Probably because I'm stubborn, but also because I'm so curious, I couldn't just let it go. I had to figure out where this rock ended so I could pull it out, and get back to digging! I mean I was gonna find a diamond (yeah right)!

There are a couple of analogies I can think of, that would apply to my spiritual life right now. As I mentioned in my last post, I am taking part in Redemption Groups at church. For more information about it, check out Mike Wilkerson's book Redemption.

God has been unearthing my heart. Kind of like my experience in the field digging for diamonds. Only, God knows where to look, exactly, and He's not looking for tiny minute diamonds, He is digging to get to my heart. And just before we left for vacation, I had reached a point where I told God, "Enough already." He just kept thrusting that shovel into my dirt, and it seemed with every strike I was being left more vulnerable and open. "But God, I want to keep my heart buried. It is easier this way. Can't you just surface look?" He thrusts His shovel in again. "Why do You insist I deal with this, now?"

My heart, to Him, is a precious jewel.

He gave all His possessions to buy this field of dirt in order seek out that precious jewel.

Matthew 13:44

The kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field, which a man found and covered up.

Then in his joy he goes and sells all that he has and buys that field.

I AM HIS.

He has purchased me with the blood of His Son. Who am I to say, "enough, stop digging in my life"? And so He thrusts His shovel in, each day, unearthing this buried treasure, the precious jewel, pearl of great price, because He longs for it. He desires my heart, not my actions or words or good thoughts, He desires my heart.

Psalm 51:10a Create in me a clean heart oh God.

Plowing the heart

2011-09-29T12:29:00.001-05:00

Two things about me:

1) I do not have a green thumb anywhere on my body! I have killed an ivy, and I think my fake plants are starting to die, too!

2) I'm not a heart person. I'm a head person. My head over rules my heart, 9 out 10 times. I will give up something I most want, if my brain over thinks it, and has determined I don't really need it.

Now that you know these two things, it should be easier to understand why a thing such as Redemption Groups, at my church, is challenging. It is plowing the heart.

So, I looked up what exactly plowing is. I mean, I know it's done, but never really why (there goes my brain). I do know that seeds need three things; air, water, and warmth. So, a farmer plows. The hard dried out top layer of dirt is broken and turned over, exposing the more tender and soft dirt underneath. It makes the ground healthy, and ready for sowing. My dirt heart is exposed.

God, the creator of my heart, Lord of this dirt, but is He father? daddy? I keep turning this thought, and I find it difficult to grasp. In prayer, He is Lord, God, maybe even Heavenly Father (which puts Him at an unattainable distance). I see His might and power, His sovereignty. I sing of His glory and greatness. What do I know of His love and compassion. His Fathering?

I've played the part (and rather poorly) of toy soldier, obedient subject, servant even. But there is a part I have not played or accepted, a part that He Himself calls and draws us into. The daughter. I am told to come to Him, but I want to fold my arms in around my heart. I want to cover my aches, my sins, my wounds, my humanness, my dirt. But He wants it all. I keep covering it up, and He keeps turning it over. Back to this spot, this tender spot. I think it is to do some Lordly, Godly, unknown thing to me. But maybe, He wants to Father this lump of turned over dirt. To give me a daddy moment. I am scared, projecting on my Lord, all the images of failing earthly fathers.

His sovereignty is above me, but His love is directed to me, in me, surrounds me. His love is involved. His love is abounding, occurring, existing in great quantities. It is rich and well supplied.

Psalm 103:8 The LORD is merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love.

Mark 14:36 And he said, "Abba, Father, all things are possible for you. Remove this cup from me. Yet not what I will, but what you will."

Romans 8:15 For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, "Abba! Father!"

My Works vs. The Lord's

2011-09-14T12:02:00.004-05:00

Some days, I feel like I'm the one doing all the work. Every task seems mundane and tedious, like rolling a rock up and down a hill, with no results to show for it.

Some days, like yesterday, I feel the Holy Spirit. My words are seasoned, my actions intentional, I see real evidence of fruit and seeds and growth.

I realized something yesterday. I measure myself according to those days, as if it was all by doing. I say on the good days, "I feel accomplished. Everything I wanted to happen, happened, and in the way that I wanted it to." I say on the other days, "I am a failure today, I have accomplished nothing. I have wasted time, I haven't done this or that, and nothing has turned out the way I wanted it to. This day I am a failure."

Is the Lord of the good days and the bad days?

Is He Lord of my life yesterday, but not today?

Yesterday, God was good.

Is He still good today?

When I take into account my actions and words, I see a central theme.

ME.

Is it the Lord who works, or me? It is the Lord, and His Holy Spirit is at work in me. On my good and bad days, it is the Lord always, and I want to give Him glory, regardless of how the day seems to be going. What does that look like?

When I'm yelling at my kids, is God getting glory? No, of course not. But when He convicts me, and I repent, and I confess, He is glorified. In my weakness He is made strong. He is stronger than my mistakes, and I may have failed, but He has not. He can take my failings and turn them around and use them for His glory. My works=failure, weak, missing the mark, full of sin. The Lord's work=perfect, strong, complete, bringing glory to His name. Thank You Lord for working in me!

Lord, continue Your work in me. Your word says that You are faithful to complete the good work that You have begun. Help me to remember that You are always in control, that in all things You will be glorified, that my life is not my own.

What I Am Reading: Dangerous Journey

2011-09-14T11:43:00.001-05:00

This summer I went to a homeschool book fair with a friend of mine. Talk about book overload! It was amazing! I. Love. Books!

I picked up a children's version of Pilgrim's Progress, called Dangerous Journey. I knew that we would be going through it this year, but I didn't realize how much I would enjoy it, and my children too!

Simply put, it is a story of a dream of the christian journey. It has opened the door for some deep conversations about destruction, salvation, and the journey to The Celestial City.

Yesterday, my 5 year old exclaimed out the blue,

"I love that book you're reading to us."

While my older child seems bored with it, I know that she is at least thinking about things, and that makes my heart glad. My prayer is that God will use this to soften and mold her heart, to place in her a desire to run the race.

Raising God's Girls

2011-09-02T11:45:00.003-05:00

I am so excited about all my friends that are Homeschooling! Whatever the reasons, I am a true believer that being home with your kids is the best thing for them. Don't get me wrong, you gotta do what you gotta do, and if that means you gotta work and put your kids in public school, then by all means, do that. But spending time with your children, when ever possible, is the only way to teach them, to love them, to raise them up to be godly adults some day.

If I am being honest, I would have to say that being a stay at home mom was never on my to-do list. I remember a conversation I had when I was in high school, about to graduate. I was filling out forms for government assistance programs, financial aid, and loans, narrowing down my college choices, and planning my future. "I will not be a stay at home mom. I want to do something with my life, and staying home is not an option."

Here I am some many years later, a stay-at-home mom!

I LOVE MY JOB!

Again, if I am being honest, it isn't always perfect. In fact, 90% of the time, I am worrying and fretting that I might be somehow ruining my children. But, when the day (or maybe week, and sometimes month) is done, and I see some real fruit of my labor, it feels my heart with joy. A true joy! But I must give credit where credit is due. If I really tally up the times I have missed the mark, and the times I did something right, I have to admit that there something else at work somehow connecting the dots that I have overlooked or willfully ignored. These girls that I attempt to raise really belong to God, and I am learning to trust that He has better plans for them than I could possibly imagine.

That doesn't mean I just take my hands off the wheel and somehow expect this train to stay on the tracks, but it does mean that when I am off track, I can trust God to bring me back. I can trust God to bring the whole runaway-train-headed-for-a-wreck, into His will.

It's scary and beautiful all at once. Beautiful that God has seen fit to place in my care these children, and scary that He placed in my care these children. I mean, I am fallen and sinful and the list doesn't stop there. But praise God for grace!

-GRACE-

Ahh grace.

Sweet, freeing grace.

He is made strong in my weakness, and I pray that my girls see the importance of grace and relying on His strength.

And that is where I am, today. Yesterday, I was a frenzied mess, wrapped up in my self and my short comings. But His mercy is new every morning. Lord, help me to show my children, your daughters, what it means to trust in You. That when we fail Your grace takes our short comings and fills in the gaps, it connects the dots, it is made complete only in You.

What I'm Reading

2011-08-24T13:36:00.003-05:00

I just finished C. S. Lewis' Mere Christiany. And can I say, "WOW!"

This book was riddled with amazing imagery and phrasing that just blew me away. I love how C. S. Lewis wrote, but most I love what he wrote about.

From dealing with the hard questions, "Is there a God?", to nailing down the root of sin, Pride. But in his last few chapters, he dealt with the process of transformation, what it looks like, and what it doesn't. So, an excerpt from his book:

Mere Christianity, Book 4, Chapter 10:
Nice People or New Men

"For mere improvement is not redemption, though redemption always improves people even here and now and will, in the end, improve them to a degree we cannot yet imagine. God became man to turn creatures into sons: not simply to produce better men of the old kind but to produce a new kind of man. It is not like teaching a horse to jump better and better but like turning a horse into a winged creature. Of course, once it has got its wings, it will soar over fences which could never have been jumped and thus beat the natural horse at its own game. But there may be a period, while the wings are just beginning to grow, when it cannot do so: and at that stage the lumps on the shoulders - no one could tell by looking at them that they are going to be wings - may even give it an awkward appearance."

I feel like I'm in that awkward stage. My wings aren't quite in, and no one knows whether they will even be wings. But I know that with Christ by my side, I will be transformed. Not just a better me, but a new me, the me that God purposed before I was even born.

Do You Do Well...

2011-06-06T13:15:00.001-05:00

Jonah 4:4-7 ESV

And the Lord said, “Do you do well to be angry?” Jonah went out of the city and sat to the east of the city and made a booth for himself there. He sat under it in the shade, till he should see what would become of the city. Now the Lord God appointed a plant and made it come up over Jonah, that it might be a shade over his head, to save him from his discomfort. So Jonah was exceedingly glad because of the plant. But when dawn came up the next day, God appointed a worm that attacked the plant, so that it withered.

We all know the story of Jonah. Even talking vegetables know the story! Sometimes we want to stop before we get to that last chapter. I love that God doesn’t want us to forget anything in His word.

What I really love about this passage of scripture, is the realness. I can totally relate! This past week, I was excited to be part of a ministry that works with refugee children at an apartment complex in Dallas. I had such an amazing time, and my girls got to be involved with me. But I’m not saying any of this to brag or make myself look good, because what God allowed later, revealed some ugly stuff in my heart. It was much like Jonah.

After leaving the apartment, I noticed that the tire pressure light had come on. This is somewhat of a new feature that lets you know when your tires are getting low. As I was traveling down hwy 75, I figured I would deal with it when I got home. And wouldn’t you know it, I didn’t get home before I was forced to deal with it. After running what I thought would be a quick errand, the tire was completely flat!

There I was in the parking lot, 4 packages of bottles of water sitting on top of the spare. So, I proceeded to unload the the back so I could get to the spare, and simultaneously texted Stacy to let him know if my demise. Wouldn’t you know that as soon as I had the car unloaded I receive the news that the jack is not in the car! Now my countenance has fallen. Cursings and bad attitudes ensued. I’m sure God was saying, “Do you do well to be angry?” But I wasn’t listening. I was too busy wallowing and justifying.

And just as soon as things were bad, they were good again. I was never so thankful for roadside assistance! I confessed to my children that I didn’t have a happy heart, and I should change my attitude and be thankful in all things. You would think I had learned. But now I must find a tire place to repair the tire. With my handy phone, I quickly looked up the nearest location and headed that way. And did not find it! So I went to the next location, and what wonderfully sweet and helpful people they were, till I found out that not only could my tire not be repaired but because I have an all wheel drive I will now have to replace all 4 tires! And out the door went my happy heart! Again, I’m sure the Lord was saying, “Do you do well to be angry?” But I wasn’t listening. I was too busy not respecting my husband, and giving him an earful! By this time we had missed lunch and I was now shelling out more money than I care to remember.

But as I sat and waited, I finally listened. “Do you do well to be angry?”

There’s Jonah, sitting and waiting for what he thinks God should do. Getting angry because of the sin in his own heart. And God shades him for awhile, relieves him from his discomfort, but Jonah refuses to change. To force him to deal with his hard, unhappy, and ungrateful heart, God appoints a worm (or in my case a flat tire) to kill the plant and then Jonah is exposed to the sun and hot winds. God asks him again if being angry is doing him any good. I felt that this past week. Thank God for His unfailing love. I confessed and repented, and I am so thankful He hears and forgives.

1Thessalonians 5:16-18 Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.

And even Job responds with, “Naked I came from my mothers womb, and naked shall I return. The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord” when he learns that he has lost everything.

Lord help me to remember that all that I have is from you, and that it doesn’t do me any good to be angry. Every good and perfect gift is from You. Even if it doesn’t look “good” to me, you have purposed it for my good and for Your glory.

2011-03-20T14:38:00.001-05:00

Christy Nockels - Healing is in Your hands

How high, how wide
No matter where I am, healing is in Your hands
How deep, How strong,
And now by Your grace I stand, healing is in Your hands

I love that God uses the lessons that I teach in Elementary Kids, on Sunday, to teach me. I am blessed by this opportunity to serve, and humbled by what God shows me. We learned about God being “understanding”. Not an intellectual, but a compassionate, caring God.

Psalm 103:9-14

He will not always chide, nor will he keep his anger forever. He does not deal with us according to our sins, nor repay us according to our iniquities. For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his steadfast love toward those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far does he remove our transgressions from us. As a father shows compassion to his children, so the LORD shows compassion to those who fear him. For he knows our frame;heremembers that we are dust.

I got to demonstrate to the kids how because of Adam and Eve, we are separated from God, that we are sinful, and cannot come to Him. But that He draws us, because He is “understanding”.

Hosea 11:4

I led them with cords of kindness, with the bands of love, and I became to them as one who eases the yoke on their jaws, andI bent down to them and fed them.

He draws us to Him because He is a loving and kind God, and does not exact on us the punishment we deserve. Instead, He heals us from the wounds of our own sin. He lifts the burdens that weigh us down, and feeds us with the Bread of Life, His son Jesus.

Isaiah 41:10

Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Falling off the Lent Wagon

2011-03-19T13:57:00.000-05:00

So, two whole weeks have now passed. How’s everyone doing? Me? Well, I’ll admit it has been tough! Having caffeine withdrawals is no fun, and even worse when you’re waiting in lines at Six Flags.

But my question is this: What happens if you forget, or give in to temptation? Does that mean that Lent is over for you? Do you beat yourself up?

Caeli, my oldest daughter, decided to participate along with me, and gave up sodas for Lent. On Sunday, last week, she enjoyed her Root Beer, but when Monday rolled around, she had forgotten about Lent. She came to me, “Momma, I forgot about Lent, and I drank a soda! What do I do?”

Lent is about remembering, remembering that we are fallen, in desperate need of a savior. It’s about being mindful of what Jesus did, the sacrifice that paid our debt. So, you’ve failed. You gave in to temptation. You forgot for a brief moment. Do you think this surprises God? Is He put off by your weakness? All of this makes the season even more beautiful! When we are weak, God is strong, stronger!

I encourage, don’t quit because of your weakness. Confess your weakness, rely on His strength. Don’t condemn yourself for falling short, remember that you were redeemed because you could not pay the debt yourself.

Sunday Lent

2011-03-14T11:47:00.001-05:00

Praise God for Sunday! I felt guilty that I was so excited to be free to drink caffeine, but I have been battling sinuses and then the time changed! I knew Sunday would be challenge. But, Praise God for Sunday.

For those unaccustomed to Lent, Sundays are celebration days, as one devotional called it, mini-Easter, and therefore you do not fast or abstain on Sunday. Praise God for Sundays!

As I was laying in bed on Saturday night thinking about all the caffeine I was gonna drink on Sunday, I felt guilty. Should I be rejoicing so much in this freedom?

The sacrifice makes the freedom sweeter! When we understand the sacrifice that Jesus made for us, it should cause us to cherish the freedom we now have because of Him. I think my joy in being free, and my celebration is a meager example of how we should rejoice because of our freedom in Christ! Because He died and was resurrected, He defeated sin and death! What joy we should have in that knowledge!

Sunday was a great “mini” celebration of the victory that Jesus has won, and given to us who believe.

My Journey Through Lent

2011-03-11T10:33:00.002-06:00

“The season of Lent is puzzling to many. Denying ourselves our favorite treats or habits-even for a short time-seems archaic in our I-want-it-now culture. Lent is a plodding, definitive crescendo that leads ip to Good Friday and the gorgeous aria of Easter. It’s a season marked by deliberateness and intentionality.”(From “Devotions for Lent”)

Psalm 51:17 The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit,A broken and a contrite heart— These, O God, You will not despise.

I think most people will not understand why me, a non-catholic, would participate in Lent. Even my own daughter exclaimed “But we aren’t Catholic”, as I tried to explain it to her. But reading today’s devotion solidified in my heart the need to understand sacrifice. Most of my life has been focused on me. Even my spiritual walk tends to circle around what God is doing in, around, and for me. I want my eyes, and my heart to be opened and awakened to God’s will. Not God’s will for my life, just what God is doing all over. Jesus was here, as He said, doing His father’s business. He didn’t seem concerned with “Is this God’s will for me”, His view was always on the end result.

Matthew 6:33a But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness

The Lenten Season for this Once Charismatic-turned-Baptist-now-Reformed Baptist girl

2011-03-09T10:53:00.003-06:00

How’s that for a title? Hehe!

So last year, I decided that when Lent rolled around again, I was going to participate. I’m excited about preparing for Easter Sunday, the celebration of The Resurrection.

So today marks the beginning of Lent, Ash Wednesday. What does that mean? How do you participate in something like that? So I did some researching.

To me, it seems that today is about remembering why Jesus endured the cross. Most priests will say, as they are crossing foreheads with ashes, “Remember, O man that you are dust, and to dust you will return”. We are sinful, and today, Ash Wednesday, is about remembering that, and asking God to show you your sins, on order that you may confess them. God’s word clearly states that when we confess our sins, He is faithful to forgive us.

Mark 1:15 is also quoted, “Repent, and hear the good news.”. So it's not just a somber guilt filled day, but it is a reminder that though we are sinful, Jesus bore our punishment. On of my favorite hymns says this:

Because the sinless Savior died My sinful soul is counted free. For God the just is satisfied To look on Him and pardon me.

So, I begin the season of Lent. Yes, I am giving something up. I’m actually giving up a few things.

Caffeine, because I am so dependent on it to just get through the day. I want to be more dependent on God and His word to get me through the day. Probably gonna switch to decaf coffee to see if I can trick my brain!

Carbonated drinks, and anyone who knows me, knows that I am addicted to diet Coke and Diet Dr. Pepper. And I think giving up something that has so much control in my life is fitting. My life should be controlled by the Spirit, not by the desires of my flesh.

Psalm 139:1 You have searched me, LORD, and you know me.

Psalm 139:23-24 Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.

I am Second - Ashley

2011-03-07T13:26:00.000-06:00

After sharing some of my struggle with eating disorders, with the girls in my Home Group, they asked if I had seen this video. I hadn’t, but I was curious. Just watched it, and cried. She would say, “I hated myself”. And I remember the feeling of looking at myself in the mirror and hating me, all of me, not just what I saw on the outside, but what I thought was on the inside.

I used to say I was the product of a broken home. My real parents divorced when I was young, and I always felt rejected by my dad, for leaving and for never being around. I blamed myself, there had to be something wrong with me. But I was young, and didn’t know how to say these things.

I experienced a lot of sadness at an early age, with my parents divorce, my grandparents dying, then my mom was diagnosed with cancer when I was in the 5th grade. She had remarried, and life seemed great for once, till then. After a short battle, she passed the week of Mother’s Day. I remember because we had been working on Mother’s Day presents at school. The teacher held mine till the end of the year. It was a knitted string with potpourri attached.

Her husband, my step-dad, offered to adopt my sister and me. And so we were a family of hurting people, a widow and orphans. While he did, what I believe was his best, his best was out pain and hurt, and often times would spill out to us in his words. I became lazy, immature, and selfish in his eyes, and I began to feel rejected again. This continued for years. And I hid it all. Never talking about the rejection, or the feeling that I didn’t deserve to be loved. And the more things happened, the more I hid my feelings. My life was always out of my control, the things I wanted (a home, a family, love) always seemed just out of reach.

It started my junior year of high school. I was sitting in Physics, turned in my desk, when I tried to get up, my hips got stuck. Of course, I was in front of a row of guys who burst into laughter. I know they didn’t mean anything, but that was something that stuck in me. I knew I had to take control of something, so I stopped eating, and prom coming up, only fueled that fire. I bought my dress, that I was going to be wearing to two events. It fit perfect for the 1st event, and then 2 weeks later I had lost so much weight that it had to be taken in 2” on both sides. I was getting compliments on my looks, people were taking notice of me. It felt great! I loved it! But I began to fear that if I ate anything, I would lose all control.

Then it happened. People started acting concerned. A friend of mine got me alone and said I looked like death warmed over. I hadn’t realized how much weight I had lost, but I was going down in sizes every week almost. But at that moment I, realized that something was wrong and I needed to fix it. But when I started eating, I still had no control, and now instead of feeling light, I felt burdened and weighted down with everything. How could I change that? And the bulimia began.

That was my senior year. Half the time eating, the other half purging. I battled for years, into college, marriage, children. I was 26, and at the end of my rope. I was one step away from just ending the pain all together. I didn’t realize why I was hurting emotionally, mentally, spiritually, physically. There wasn’t a part of me that was ever truly happy or at peace. I hated myself, I felt unlovable, rejected, I was an orphan. I had no real family, and why was it that the husband and children I had didn’t satisfy?

God led me to a dear woman who has become a great friend. All she did, was make herself available to me, to listen. I spent 2 years telling my story to her. At first things were worse, but then, I started to see a light. God put me on a path to show me how much He loved me. That I belonged to Him. I wasn’t an orphan I belonged to Him. I was His child. He was all the family I ever needed. He was all I needed.

The road has been long, and riddled with stumbling, but He has held me. His word is true when it says that He holds us up, I have felt that in my life when I have fallen flat on my face, He was still holding me. “In Christ Alone” has become one of my favorite hymns. I love where it says, “I am His and He is mine.” It sums up the feeling of belonging. I belong to Christ, He has not rejected me, He has loved me before I was even born. He has given His life as my ransom. I love Him for all that He did, that I did not deserve.

And as He stands in victory
Sin’s curse has lost its grip on me
For I am His and He is mine
Bought with the precious blood of Christ

In the light

2011-03-07T00:42:00.001-06:00

Ephesians 5:13-14But when anything is exposed by the light, it becomes visible, for anything that becomes visible is light. Therefore it says, "Awake, O sleeper, and arise from the dead,
and Christ will shine on you."

I love this verse! One of my favorite types of contrast is dark and light, and I think this verse is a great example of that. In the darkness things remain cloaked, hidden. But in the light they are exposed. But this passage goes a little farther, and says that those things that become visible are light! I've been meditating on this for a few weeks now, and today I read a passage from C. S. Lewis' Mere Christianity.

"...Just as the roof of a greenhouse does not attract the sun because it is light, but becomes bright because the sun shines on it."

God is moving me to areas where my life will be exposed. This scares me. I am a flawed person, and knowing that being in the light and being a light will most likely reveal those flaws, I want to just stay hidden.

But God wants us to come to Him, to be in His light, to reflect His light. He is not drawn to us because we have no flaws, but because He loves us, and wants to heal us, to make us like Him.

Lord, I love Your light! I love that it reveals my flaws, my sins. Knowing and seeing my sins in Your light brings truth, and truth, Your truth, sets me free. Your truth saves me.

Psalm 36:9For with you is the fountain of life; in your light do we see light.

Blah, Blah, Blah...

2011-03-02T18:21:00.000-06:00

James 1:19 My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, James 1:26 Those who consider themselves religious and yet do not keep a tight rein on their tongues deceive themselves, and their religion is worthless.

Wow! Talk about convicting! How many times do we allow our actions, because we are angry, to get out of control. Or when we are angry, we do not control our tongues! Just think of the last time you were on the phone with customer service!
James goes on in chapter 2 to say that while we are saved by faith, our actions are a result of that faith. So if our tongues are flames setting the whole forest ablaze, what does that say about our faith? What are we demonstrating to the world? Is our faith truly in Jesus or in our circumstances?

It’s amazing how powerful that tiny muscle is! Proverbs even says, that life and death are in the power of the tongue. I think it stands to reason that a demonstration of our faith, life in Christ Jesus, should come through our words.

Lord forgive me for not being slow to speak. Forgive the hurtful words I have said. I ask for the Holy Spirit to help me in this weakness, that my faith would be evident!

Our Great God is for Us

2011-02-20T14:35:00.002-06:00

I love leading worship for the elementary kids on Sunday mornings! It is such a blessing watching these kids worship, and hearing them sing at the top of their lungs! We sing a song, Our God is Greater, and it is my prayer that each one of them would know that the God who is for them, is greater than all things!

It occurred to me today, as we were singing this, and another song, that I serve a living God! Not a God made by human hands or poured from precious metals. I serve the God who created all these things, He is greater than all things in the earth, and He is greater than the whole earth!

How could He be great if he were part of this world, that is why He is above this all else! He is above all gods!

It also stands to reason that only a great God would require absolute faith in Him alone, and only a great God would save us according to His will. If I believe that my works save me or keep me safe then how can I believe that my God is greater?

Isaiah 40 is a great example of this! Verses 18-22 With whom, then, will you compare God? To what image will you liken him? As for an idol, a metalworker casts it, and a goldsmith overlays it with gold and fashions silver chains for it. A person too poor to present such an offering selects wood that will not rot; they look for a skilled worker to set up an idol that will not topple.
Do you not know? Have you not heard? Has it not been told you from the beginning? Have you not understood since the earth was founded? He sits enthroned above the circle of the earth, and its people are like grasshoppers. He stretches out the heavens like a canopy, and spreads them out like a tent to live in.

Our God is greater
Our God is stronger
God You are higher than any other
Our God is healer
Awesome in power
Our God, Our God

And if our God is for us, then who could ever stop us,
And if our God is with us, then what can stand against?

5 Loaves and 2 Fish

2011-02-18T19:48:00.002-06:00

Matthew 14:16-17
Jesus replied, “They do not need to go away. You give them something to eat. "We have here only five loaves of bread and two fish,” they answered.

@JohnPiper: When I feel empty and unable to give any more, few things encourage me more than the words, "Five loaves and two fish."

I am learning that God is not limited by what I do not have. I am so quick to think that people should go somewhere else to be fed, but God desires that we allow Him to us.

I'm reminded of the servant with just one talent, afraid to do anything with what God had given him. But he says that he knows the master to reap where he did not sow.

God use my 5 loaves and 2 fish. Thank you for blessing me with even that. I pray that I will not be afraid, or allow what I see as meager, to keep me from giving it away for You! Let all of me, my whole life bring you glory, and point others to You!

Shine like stars

2011-02-17T23:18:00.002-06:00

Philippians 2:15b-16a
Then you will shine among them like stars in the sky as you hold firmly to the word of life.

Genesis 1:15
And let them be lights in the expanse of the heavens to give light upon the earth." And it was so.

The purpose of us shining like stars is not for our glory, but to be a light on earth, but not shining our light, but the true light that comes from the word of life.

Just before Paul says to shine like stars, he also says, "Do everything without grumbling or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, “children of God without fault in a warped and crooked generation". We like stars have to stand out from darkness around us, instead of blending in.

Christmas: The Savior

2010-12-17T10:29:00.002-06:00

Christmas is my favorite holiday. I love the lights, and songs, and seeing faces bright with joy.

Confession: While it has always been my favorite, I haven't always enjoyed it.

But this year, something is different. My heart is light and every song I hear makes me sing. I have had Christmas music playing at every chance I can get, whether it's Pandora on my phone or 103.7 in the car. We've been out looking at lights, and every time I see a house smothered in red, green, white, blue, and even rainbow colors it makes me smile.

All these things are not the reason for my joy, they are only temporary.

Isaiah 9:6 For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.

I have a Savior! He is my peace, my joy, my hope, and my salvation. This Christmas has been about Him. This year has been about Him. I have tried bringing my own peace, working my own salvation, healing my hurts, only to fail and continue to feel incomplete. In this last year, I was rescued! I was redeemed! My faith in Christ began at the age of 5, but somehow along the way, I lost sight of Jesus. Like Peter walking on water, I began to do it on my own and sink. Jesus reached out His had and caught me, He drew me up and saved me! This joy and peace and that I have is beyond anything I've ever known or understood. I want to share it! I want others to know the peace and joy that can only come when we stop healing ourselves, stop saving ourselves, stop working to be good. That will never happen, it will always only be temporary, like Christmas lights. There is only one Light that is eternal. Jesus came to us, to save us, to redeem us, to heal us, to free us! Faith, which is what Christmas is about, in Him, Jesus - fully man and fully God - is the only way to receive every good and perfect gift.

"Long lay the world, in sin and error pining, Till He appeared and the soul felt its worth."

I Will Be Back

2010-11-27T18:42:00.003-06:00

Okay, I'm taking a break from blogging. Just till the new year though. I'm not liking the direction I've been going in. Not that there is anything wrong with it, it just doesn't really feel like I'm writing what I want to, just trying to fill space. After looking over my blog for the last few months, I feel it is wanting. So, I'm going to take a break, and be back with some really good stuff in January!

Something that has been on my heart...writing some devotions.
Before I go, I want to talk about a few things God has been doing in me.

Stacy and I began visiting Providence Church earlier this year. We both felt that God was calling us somewhere else, but we weren't sure where, till we went here. And from the beginning, I have felt God working in my life in such a way that I am in awe everyday of it!

I was 5 when I first confessed my faith in Jesus. It was Baptist church in a small west Texas town, in a sunday school class taught my mother. I remember that we were learning about the fruits of the spirit, and that having Jesus in our lives meant that we would have those fruits. When we were ending class there was of course an opportunity for us to "accept Jesus into our hearts". And I knew that I wanted Jesus, I wanted those fruits, I wanted Jesus to help me.
I know beyond a shadow of a doubt, that when I was 5 years old, God called me. He put in my heart to believe in Jesus. I was drawn by the spirit to accept the salvation of my soul. I didn't know it then like it know it now. I knew like a 5 year old. Jesus was in my heart, and I was saved.

That is my conversion story. But, since God has led us to Providence Church, I have been given a revelation of God's grace. My life had been working, proving to everyone that I was truely righteous, making sure that people knew I was walking in the path of righteousness. Talk about getting tired!!

Matthew 11:28-30

²⁸ “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. ²⁹ Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. ³⁰ For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

If I was really walking in God's truth, why was I always so tired? God brought us to rest at Providence Church! And while I have been resting, I am awake! I more awake to the light of Christ than ever before.

I want to list all the verses that talk about the grace of God, and His work in our lives, and being built up into His holy temple.

Romans 5 is awesome!
But really all of Romans is good, there's a reason the baptist call it the Roman Road to salvation.

One of my favorites, and one that has become the cornerstone of my faith

Ephesians 2:8-9
For by grace you have been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God; not as a result of works, so that no one may boast.

I have found freedom in Christ. In the revelation that nothing I do can make me righteous, that my works are not what saves me or causes me to stay in a state of salvation, I have found freedom. I have found rest, I have found peace! Because of God's grace, I am changed. I am being changed. From glory to glory, till Christ's return when I will be made complete in Him.

People always want to know what your testimony is, and I have always struggled. I didn't know how to explain what Christ has done for me. I think it is because I was so consumed with working things out. Sunday, it hit me. No matter what your life was like, before God, you were dead in sin. My testimony is this, that I was dead in sin and transgressions, but Jesus Christ has saved me. He broke my chains and paid my debt and now I am set free.

I pray you all have amazing Christmas, celebrating the greatest gift given to men.
Luke 2:11-14
¹¹For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Savior, who is Christ the Lord. ¹²And this will be a sign for you: you will find a baby wrapped in swaddling cloths and lying in a manger." ¹³And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God and saying, ¹⁴ "Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace among those with whom he is pleased!"

This and That....Thursday?: You Can Get With This or You Can Get With That

2010-11-11T19:58:00.003-06:00

I missed my regular This and That Tuesday! So, by now I'm sure you have noticed two recurring themes, Worship Sundays and This and That Tuesdays (or in this case, Thursdays). I think if I have a format I will be more likely to keep up with blogging!

Without further ado...

The year before the Kia Soul came onto the scene, I had stumbled across a website with pictures of it, and thought to myself, this is a pretty cool car, I like it.

In anticipation, I waited for the arrival of the Soul.

And then, I saw the commercials....
I'm sure you have to.

No commercial has made me dislike a car, more than these...

Really? Like rapping rats are supposed to make me want a vehicle? Why would I want a car that only a rat can seem to enjoy?

IMHO,
This was a lame marketing tool, but everywhere I look, I see the new Kia Soul. Maybe everyone else wants to join the rat race...

Worship Sunday: If God is For Us

2010-11-07T17:36:00.002-06:00

This was one of the songs for worship this morning at church, and God was really hitting me hard.

Last month was a test for me. Stacy (my husband - for those who may have stumbled on to here), is a car salesman. Which in a nutshell, is by God's design. I may blog about that someday, but it's a long story!

So, as most of us know, it is mostly commission, and if he doesn't sale cars, he doesn't make money. From the very beginning, I have struggled with and against his job, nagging and complaining every time things don't go my way, i.e. working late, no days off, and the list could on.

So, October was one of those months.
It started slow, so slow I was beginning to wonder if it was ever going to get started. And about middle of the month, things were still at a stand still. I began to think of our finances, our bills, our lease payment, our car payment, I thought till all these things began to look larger than Mount Everest! I started looking for work from home jobs, other jobs for Stacy, loans, and credit cards.
I was going to solve this!
What did God show me?
The last week and half of the month, the sales came in! And they weren't just car sales, they were sales that made the money and then some!!!
Is God faithful or what?
Did I deserve His faithfulness?

NO!

I was so much like the Hebrew children in the wilderness;
"God brought us here to let us die",
"Let's go back to Egypt (credit cards and debt)".

Needless to say, I spent some time repenting for this. But He loves me so much, His reminder this morning was a blessing. I can't worry about jobs or money or tomorrow, I have to have faith that God is on my side, He is for me. If God is for me, what stand against me? Slow sales, poor management, and picky customers don't stand a chance against what God has for me.

2 Kings 6:16
¹⁶ “Don’t be afraid,” the prophet answered. “Those who are with us are more than those who are with them.”

Psalm 118:6
⁶ The LORD is with me; I will not be afraid.
What can mere mortals do to me?

1 John 4:4
⁴ You, dear children, are from God and have overcome them, because the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world.

Romans 8:31
³¹ What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?

This and That Tuesday: Homeschool, Worksheets, and Making Education Fun

2010-11-02T15:09:00.001-05:00

education.com

So, today I was looking for some worksheets that Caeli and Alyvia can do on those days that we just can't get to our actual school work. And I ran across this website with free printables and a lot of other resources!

I also looked at these websites with affordable workbooks:

School Zone

Beaver Books

I am always on the lookout for additional resources so that the girls don't get bored with doing the same things all the time.

With it being a rainy day, and being stuck indoors, I am reminded that winter is just around the corner, and we will soon be feeling the effects of cabin fever! So, now I'm on to look for creative ways to exercise and get moving inside the house...

Worship Sunday: Jesus Paid It All

2010-10-31T12:55:00.004-05:00

Ephesians 2:8-9
⁸For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— ⁹not by works, so that no one can boast.

Romans 3:21-25a
²¹But now a righteousness from God, apart from law, has been made known, to which the Law and the Prophets testify. ²²This righteousness from God comes through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe. There is no difference, ²³for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, ²⁴and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus. ²⁵God presented him as a sacrifice of atonement, through faith in his blood.

Thank You for bringing me from death into life
All my works led only to more chains
Your love sought me
Your love redeemed me
You fought for me that day on the cross
When the blood and water flowed
I was then set free
I am free
It is only by Your grace and mercy
I am set free
I am free
Dead in my works
Bound and a slave to this world
You showed me Your truth
You led me in Your light
You brought me to the foot of Your cross
I am set free
I am free!

This and That Tuesday: Arachnophobia

2010-10-26T14:54:00.005-05:00

Have I mentioned that I don't like spiders?

Here are a few reasons why!

And I hate walking into these!

I have a real fear of spiders! I do my best to avoid them at all costs, I won't even get close enough to kill them! I can't imagine why anyone would! And the fact that they have thousands of babies is all the more reason to fear them!

DISCLAIMER:(this is a very scary video of baby spiders)

And what gets me, is that spiders can even float on the air! Today at the park we were doing some school work, when all of a sudden Caeli looks up and says there is a spider hanging in mid air! It just doesn't seem fair that unsuspecting people can be bombarded by free floating spiders! I mean, I can understand seeing a spider in the corner of my house by the front and back door. I mean everytime the door opens, it seems a fly makes his way inside. The spider is just thinking free food! And crawling in grass in my backyard, I can even understand and deal with. But floating through the air? How am I supposed to prepare myself for such an aerial assault such as this? I can't! And that is why my two children watched in confusion as their mother did the freak out dance today! Needless to say, our outdoor schooling was cut short.

Sunday Worship: Before the Throne of God Above

2010-10-24T13:39:00.004-05:00

Before the Throne of God Above

Before the throne of God above
I have a strong, a perfect plea
A great high Priest whose Name is Love
Who ever lives and pleads for me
My name is graven on His hands
My name is written on His heart
I know that while in heaven He stands
No tongue can big me there depart
No tongue can bid me there depart
When Satan tempts me to despair
And tells me of the guilt within
Upward I look and see Him there
Who made an end to all my sin
Because the sinless Savior died
My sinful soul is counted free
For God the just is satisfied
To look on Him and pardon me
To look on Him and pardon me

Behold Him there the risen Lamb
My perfect spotless righteousness
The great unchangeable I AM
The Kind of glory and of grace
One with Himself I cannot die
My soul is purchased by His blood
My life is hid with Christ on high
With Christ my Savior and my God!
With Christ my Savior and my God!

Hebrews 7:25-28
²⁵Therefore he is able to save completely those who come to God through him, because he always lives to intercede for them.²⁶Such a high priest meets our need—one who is holy, blameless, pure, set apart from sinners, exalted above the heavens. ²⁷Unlike the other high priests, he does not need to offer sacrifices day after day, first for his own sins, and then for the sins of the people. He sacrificed for their sins once for all when he offered himself. ²⁸For the law appoints as high priests men who are weak; but the oath, which came after the law, appointed the Son, who has been made perfect forever.

Experiments

2010-09-18T10:39:00.008-05:00

What I love most about Caeli's science this year, is the experiments! There are several small easy ones, and a few more in depth ones. In the first lesson, Caeli was learning the importance of experiments; to test theories. She peeled two apples (with my help of course) and then put one in a preserving mixture of salt and baking soda, and the other she left out.

I think some air still got to the apple in the mixture, it still turned a dark brown, but at least there was no mold.

Today we finished up the project that Caeli has been wanting to do since we started school. Edible Cell! This week we have been learning about the parts that make up a cell, she is doing so good, and the book (Apologia Science), explains it so well! She drew her own cell in her science journal, but today, using candy and jello we made our own cell!

The Ingredients: Candy
Jello
Gelatin
Jelly Beans
Skittles
Twizzlers
Cake Sprinkles
Fruit Roll Ups
Smarties
Chocolate Truffles
They all sorts of options, but I let Caeli choose what she wanted to use.

Can anyone say sugar rush?

The Jello mold!

And the final result:

Okay, so they didn't exactly turn out looking like cells, but Caeli knew what each piece of candy represented, and we had fun doing it! Alylvia even did her own. Now, they are begging to eat them!

The School at Home

2010-09-07T22:29:00.003-05:00

This was Caeli on her first day! It was an adjustment those first few days, trying to find a good rhythm. Now that we are in our second week, we are finally smoothing out!

Alyvia has been eager to get started from the beginning. She has enjoyed her workbooks, but doesn't like having to wait her turn to learn.

This is my small corner. I have the desk so I can take the laptop and work if I want or need to. So far, I haven't found anytime to do that!

The keyboard was added to the room, my plan is to add some music lessons to the day. But I have decided to wait to till we get a little more accustomed to our new routine. Too many adjustments at once can overwhelm me, much less the girls

I didn't want to make the classroom too boring. I want to encourage the girls to play and learn at the same time. In the closet is all of the toys and games.

This was Caeli's first science experiment. Nothing too indepth, but she was so excited to be doing it! So far she loves her science book.

Caeli's books. I decided to not stick with one set unit, but to get different books from different styles. Most of the books follow either a classical or Charlotte Mason style of teaching. I love it! It is more reading and less workbook. It requires more thinking and narration.

Alyvia's books! Rod and Staff pre-k curriculum. These are simple workbooks, but she is learning so much from them, mostly to slow down!

Beautiful

2010-08-15T19:41:00.002-05:00

You're Beautiful by Phil Wickham

Isaiah 52:7
⁷ How beautiful upon the mountains
are the feet of him who brings good news,
who publishes peace, who brings good news of happiness,
who publishes salvation,
who says to Zion, "Your God reigns."

Isaiah 61:1-3
¹ The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me,
because the LORD has anointed me
to preach good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim freedom for the captives
and release from darkness for the prisoners,

² to proclaim the year of the LORD's favor
and the day of vengeance of our God,
to comfort all who mourn,

³ and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
instead of ashes,
the oil of gladness
instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness,
a planting of the LORD
for the display of his splendor.

Broken Keys

2010-08-14T11:40:00.003-05:00

If You Want Me To
Ginny Owens

The pathway is broken
And The signs are unclear
And I don't know the reason why You brought me here
But just because You love me the way that You do
I'm gonna walk through the valley
If You want me to

Chorus:
Cause I'm not who I was
When I took my first step
And I'm clinging to the promise You're not through with me yet
so if all of these trials bring me closer to you
Then I will walk through the fire
If You want me to

It may not be the way I would have chosen
When you lead me through a world that's not my home
But You never said it would be easy
You only said I'd never go alone

ya oh oh no

So When the whole world turns against me
And I'm all by myself
And I can't hear You answer my cries for help
I'll remember the suffering Your love put You through
And I will go through the valley If You want me to

Sometimes I feel like the piano in that picture. Broken, beyond repair, and that I can't be used any more. I feel like I'm in a valley, and I'm low and unreachable. But God reminds me that He is always with me. No it may not be comfortable or fun or a mountain top experience, but like the Hebrews roaming around in the wilderness, God provides for me all that I need, and there may even be a river at the bottom of the valley, where I can be refreshed and renewed.

The Free Gift

2010-08-10T12:31:00.002-05:00

2 Corinthians 3:17-18
¹⁷Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. ¹⁸And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord's glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.

I feel that a veil has been removed in my life, in regards to the freedom that Christ offers.

I grew up thinking that forgiveness was not something given, but something earned. At some point I began applying this to my relationship with God.
Even though...

Romans 6:22-23
²²But now that you have been set free from sin and have become slaves of God, the fruit you get leads to sanctification and its end, eternal life. ²³ For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Within the last couple months, God has been showing me over and over again that I cannot earn forgiveness. My works will not make righteous nor keep me on a path of righteousness. By thinking this way, I am negating the power of God in my life, and rejecting His grace.

The work that God has been doing on my heart.
It is much like...

Isaiah 61:1-3
¹ The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me,
because the LORD has anointed me
to preach good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim freedom for the captives
and release from darkness for the prisoners,

² to proclaim the year of the LORD's favor
and the day of vengeance of our God,
to comfort all who mourn,

I was recently asked why I worship God, am I Lemming, or is there really purpose to my worship. I worship because of the freedom that Christ has bestowed on me. I worship because of the love that God has shown me. I worship because of the free gift of eternal life in Christ Jesus.

Keeping It Simple

2010-08-09T10:26:00.002-05:00

Okay, well after reading a couple comments (cause there were only a couple to read, :)), I have decided to consolidate. Yes, I am going to be homeschooling, and it would make a lot of sense to keep everything as simple as possible. Don't want to get overwhelmed, and that is so easy for me to do! ;)

Sadly I will be saying goodbye to The Shallow End and All Shapes and Sizes. But it will be for the best. So, expect a variety of stuff here!

Beauty From Ashes

2010-08-07T10:30:00.001-05:00

I was blessed recently to spend time with a very dear friend. It is really a funny story about how I finally gave in to the blessing!

On Monday, I was presented with an opportunity to take a road trip. I really didn't pray about it, but was just excited that I was getting out of the house, and I was going to spend time with my husband, even if it was in the car for 4 hours!

But as the trip wore on, things didn't go as I had planned. We didn't leave when I wanted, and the traffic was terrible. Because of this and what seemed to a growing pile of obstacles, I wasn't going to be able to spend time with friends or family. I began to get discouraged and felt as though I hadn't thought entirely through my road trip, and maybe it would have been better for me to stay home. I was really beating myself up.

Stacy was so wonderful, I love that God has blessed me with him. He saw it differently. He saw that God's hand had provided an escape, an opportunity, and I should not allow the circumstances to rob me of what God was doing.

So, long story short I arrived at my friends, and almost immediately she says to me, "I'm so glad you came, it is God's will for you to be here..." I was floored! Stacy had been saying it, and now she had said it. And I hadn't even mentioned to her how I was feeling.

The point of me telling this, is that I realized how great my God is. He loves me so much, that He would reassure me of something so simple. But also, He restored to me this friendship, in such a way, that He has filled a need in my life. I have a mentor, and counselor, and a friend and sister in Christ.

Years before, the friendship was dead. It had been brought to ashes, and I had no hopes of ever being friends again. There was so much hurt (on both sides), so much pain, anger, disappointment, it had been utterly destroyed.

Isaiah 61:3
and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
instead of ashes,

By God's provision, what was dead was brought to life, and it was so that He would be glorified.

In pondering and thinking on this, I realize that in all my relationships, I have to trust God. I can't be afraid to let go of those that need to be let go of. If a friendship seems to be dying, I can only trust God, and that He will either bring it to life again, or replace it with new life, but all of it is for His glory.

I have seen a miracle in my friendship, and because of this, I can hope in God. I can hope in God in my relationships, in finances, in decisions, in all areas of my life. And if there is a part that seems to be dying, in God's time according to His will it can be resurrected.

Hello Again

2010-08-07T09:24:00.002-05:00

Wow!

I'm back!

I know it has been awhile. There has been so much going on. But I certainly have lots to share. I am rethinking my blogging style. I would appreciate your input.

Right now, I have 4 blogs, make that 5, I have one on Wordpress that never gets used! I think I need to combine some of them. Maybe combine the blog where I am counting God's blessings with this one, completely nix "The Shallow End", and forget the Wordpress blog all together.

My dilemma is this. I don't want to monitize this or the blessing blogs, they are really meant to speak and share what God is showing me, and maybe it will bless others, too. But I am wanting to blog about my homeschooling experience, and possibly make it something that people can use as a reference. So, what to do, what to do....

With that said, I am so excited about God is doing in my life right now. He is doing great things in my marriage, with my kids, He has blessed me with a new church and for the first time I am beginning to truely understand the freedom that is found in Christ! I will have to expound on that in the future.

I'm looking forward to future blogs, and sharing what God is doing!

Love you all, and I pray that God blesses you!

Thunderstorms and Praise

2010-05-10T16:34:00.007-05:00

Being a good ol' West Texas girl, I have grown up loving thunderstorms. Whenever I would see the clouds rolling across the flat farm lands, I'd drive out to the edge of town and sit and watch them. I remember you could always smell the rain long before the down pour. But my favorite part is just before it hits. The electricity in the air, the smell of rain, and the claps of thunder, it would only add to my excitement.

So, what does all this have to do with praise?
There is this same excitement in praise, for me anyways. My soul has felt dry for a long time now, and I've been awaiting that break in the clouds. Sunday, was thunderstorm praise! I could feel it, the power of God to set me free, the smell of God's rain to refresh my soul, and sound of His voice like claps of thunder! It poured over me, and the release of what has been holding me back was washed away.

Deuteronomy 11:13-15
So if you faithfully obey the commands I am giving you today—to love the LORD your God and to serve him with all your heart and with all your soul- then I will send rain on your land in its season, both autumn and spring rains, so that you may gather in your grain, new wine and oil. I will provide grass in the fields for your cattle, and you will eat and be satisfied.

Ephesians 1:3-8
3 Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing in Christ. For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love he predestined us to be adopted as his sons through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will— to the praise of his glorious grace, which he has freely given us in the One he loves. In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God's grace that he lavished on us with all wisdom and understanding.

Psalms 142:6-7
6 Listen to my cry,
for I am in desperate need;
rescue me from those who pursue me,
for they are too strong for me.

7 Set me free from my prison,
that I may praise your name.
Then the righteous will gather about me
because of your goodness to me.

Pure In Heart Award

2010-05-05T09:11:00.003-05:00

It is always an honor and a blessing when someone gives you a gift! Today I was blessed to receive this!

I try to be honest, and keep my focus on God. It is truely because of Him that I write. My prayer is that He receive all glory in my life, and in this blog.

And what good is a gift if it is not shared? So here are some more blogs that I find to be Pure In Heart.

1)A Work In Progress... - I have been following Catrina for sometime, and I have been blessed by her fiction writing, her word filled wednesday, and even her "about me" bio. I am blessed that she can take any situation and bring it back to giving God glory.

2)Christian Depression Help - Peter's blog offers advice and a christian's perspective of dealing with a real disease. I have been touched by his personal stories, poetry, and even the comments. He is doing something that I believe takes amazing faith and courage. Not everyone open their hearts in such a way, and that is why I am giving this award.

3) ...life as I know it... - While I have never met Suzy in person, I have been blessed to get to know her through this blog. Seeing her struggles and victories, sadness and joy, pain and healing displayed in this straight from the heart blog, is the reason that I am giving her the Pure In Heart award.

4)lifeingrace - This is one of those "stumbled on" blogs. And I mostly was drawn by her decision to leave the workforce and stay home to teach her children. I recently made this same decision, and it has given me some encouragement to see her posts about it. Especially the one about turning her garage into a classroom! I was really inspired! I look forward to more posts from her!

5)Transforming Traci - While this is still a fairly new blog, I expect many great things from it. Already, Traci has been completely open about her struggles both physically and spiritually. And that is why I am giving her this award.

I want to say thanks to Reeve over at A Poured Out Life, for giving me this wonderful gift.

James 1:17

Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.

God used you to give me this wonderful gift, thank you!

The Stains of Laziness

2010-04-30T12:11:00.006-05:00

Proverbs 6:9-11

How long will you lie there, O sluggard?

When will you arise from your sleep?

A little sleep, a little slumber,

a little folding of the hands to rest,

and poverty will come upon you like a robber,

and want like an armed man.

I love Proverbs, it is the wisdom of ages passed down, to even me. When I read the verses about laziness and foolishness, I can always see areas in my "physical" life where it does apply.

The lovely grotesque image above is the result of my "physical" laziness. Stacy has been away to California all week long, which has resulted in my procrastination. "Oh, the dishes can wait till Friday, and the laundry, and pretty much all the housework!" Pure laziness!

Well, I was awakened from the slumbering state by 4 year old. She was so excited when I told her she could help me do the dishes, that she practically sat at my feet beckoning me to kitchen sink. After a couple of hours of blog reading, commenting, and updating my status on Facebook, I succumbed to her cries. We started at the top, and worked our way to the bottom of piles, in the sink. Little did I know what lay beneath the pile on the counter!

I viewed the awesome fright from a different perspective. My spiritual is much like the sink full of dirty dishes. I look at them and think how overwhelming it will be to deal with them, clean them, set them aright. So, I become lazy. I think to myself, "I can wait till tomorrow, or next week, or till just before that appointed time. But the longer I wait, the more I procrastinate, Satan comes in like a thief. He speaks to me of my fleshly wants and desires, and distracts me from what God has for me. And when God beckons me, and I succumb to His calling, I realize the stain that has been left by my laziness. If I had only, remained faithful, allowing Him to work (cause really it Him doing the work, I am merely compliant) and clean, maybe the stain wouldn't be there.

So I repent, I return, I rest and He pours on His grace, the blood of Christ. He scrubs away like Psalms 51:7

Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean;

wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow.

I will be made new!

Lord forgive my laziness, laziness in my phsical life, and laziness in my spiritual life. Cleanse the stains that have been left by my sins, and create in me a clean heart and pure hands, that will not be folded but working, doing. I will be and hearer and doer of Your word.