O Lord My God, who will answer

David, a man after God's heart,  so overcome by his sin against God, that he feels that arrows have pierced him.

"For your arrows have sunk into me..."

Does my sin cause that kind of anguish in me?  No.  Yet,  when I covet, I am saying to God,  "You are not good enough.   I want more." 

The world would have me believe that is just a desire to be successful, or being competitive.  And I even tell myself that lie.

"My wounds stink and fester because of my foolishness"

There are two ways to look at verse 5.  First,  is obvious.   My foolishness is my inability or refusal to acknowledge the sin that has and is infecting me.   When I do not see how offensive my sin is,  I do not confess it, and if I do not confess, how can I repent?

The second way to look at this verse is found in verse 12. 

"Those who seek my hurt speak of ruin..."

Satan would like for me to believe that I am beyond saving.   I'm so infected by sin that there is no point in seeking God's help.  The enemy is already planning my demise, sin has won and I am without hope.

"But I have become like a man who does not hear, and in whose mouth are no rebukes.   BUT for you,  O Lord, do I wait; it is you,  O Lord my God, who will answer."

I need to only be silent, and hear what my God has to say concerning my sin.  I need to listen to none but Him.  God must have the final say regarding my sin.

Then like David I confess.

"I confess my iniquity,  I am sorry for my sin. "
"Do not forsake me, O Lord!  O my God,  be not far from me!   Make haste to help me, O Lord, my salvation.!"

There is hope.  God does not leave me to die in festering sin.  He has already given me the cure.  His son.  That is the hope of the Lenten season.  Not my ability to sacrifice, but Christ's ability and willingness to sacrifice for me.

Thank you Lord for your saving grace!

Are you broken?

I said recently, and many times in the past, with a bit of sorrow, "I'm just so broken."  That somehow this world has done irreparable damage to my soul, and this broken-ness has separated me from others, and maybe even from my Savior.

While my head knows the truth of the Gospel, and those comments are absurd in the context of my head knowledge, my heart sometimes disagrees. 

But I have been comforted.  God reminds me that He is near to the brokenhearted and He saves those who are crushed in spirit.  Was this His plan all along?  I think so.  He knew me before I was even born.  My days were written long before I lived even one of them. 

Why would a broken heart be part of His plot for the story of my life?  How can He draw near to me, if I refuse to believe the true status of my soul?  How can I know the lowly state of my nature without feeling the weight of sin. 

I am broken!  But not beyond repair.  While I live in this sin-broken world though, I will never see my life completely repaired.  Lest I seek perfection over seeking God, who alone is perfect. 

I am broken, and the more I grasp that knowledge, the more I understand that is the best place to be.  As Paul says, I will boast all the more in my weaknesses.   His grace is sufficient for me, when I am weak, He is strong. 

Fount of Love by Matt Pappa

Posting lyrics to a song we have been singing at church, it is a blessing! 
You can also check it out on iTunes.

O fount of love divine that flows from my saviors bleeding side
Where sinners trade their filthy rags for His righteousness applied
Mercy cleansing every stain now rushing o’er us like a flood
There the wretch and vilest ones stand adopted through His blood

O mount of grace to thee we cling from the law hath set us free
Once and for all on Calvary’s hill love and justice shall agree
Praise the Lord! the price is paid the curse defeated by the Lamb
We who once were slaves by birth, sons and daughters now we stand

O well of joy is mine to drink for my Lord hath conquered death
Victorious forevermore, the ancient foe is laid to rest
Hallelujah, Christ is King! alive and reigning on the throne
Our tongues employed with hymns of praise, Glory be to God alone!

And, The reveal...

My husbands great idea?...
Use paint samples to make collages! 
BRILLIANT!
FREE!
I'll have to post more pictures later.  Right now he's trying to get me to work out!
New Years resolutions, gotta love 'em!

The husband said what?

After putting away the tree and decorations, the living room wall looked quite barren.  

Sitting and pondering the sadness of my walls, Stacy breaks the silence.

"I have an idea, if you trust me, and it will be nearly free!"

I think all I heard was,

 "Blah, blah, idea, blah blah blah FREE!"

So, I will leave you in suspense!

What idea did Stacy have?

How could it be free?

And will I trust him?

I feel brilliant!

I know that sounds so prideful, and you may already have received the revelation I'm about to reveal, but I can't help but share!

This Christmas, I tried to do as many crafty things for decoration as I could.  One of those was a painted wreath.  I first thought about wrapping my already hung pictures in wrapping paper and putting bows on them.  But then, I thought how awesome and fun it would be for my girls to do something.  

So, I wrapped a painting (a $10 picture from Target, not Monet or anything) with the white back of the paper showing.  

This would be our canvas. 

 I then pulled out the water based red and green paint and covered the girls hands.  

It turned out so cute!  

So cute in fact, I couldn't bring myself to just throw it away. 

 But how would I store it?

Why with the left over wrapping paper roll, you say?  

YES!  BRILLIANCE!

It stores so nicely!  Can't wait to pull it out next year (or should I say later this year)!

I pray you all had a blessed Christmas and Happy New Year!

Crater of Diamonds and More Unearthing of My Heart

Last week, my husband took some vacation time. Because it was sort of short notice we didn't really have time to go anywhere fancy, and so we looked at the map to see what was close by.  Texas being such a big state, we knew we didn't want to spend the majority of our time driving across it.  Arkansas, here we come!

It was a short 4 hour drive to Murfreesboro, and in no time we were digging our way to a retirement fund!  Ha, not really!  For those who have no clue what I'm talking about, here is a little insight:

 Crater of Diamonds

Being the amateurs that we were, we picked a comfortable spot close to the entrance, and started digging.  The girls were excited!  Caeli just knew we were going to strike it rich and find a diamond, and Alyvia was concerned that everyone else would beat us to the diamonds, and we would leave empty handed (which we did).  

We had filled one bucket full of dirt, and Stacy and Caeli had headed off to the washery (I guess that is what you call it, I'm so official!).  Alyvia was skipping and throwing rocks, and I was busy digging (but not enough to really get dirty, it was very superficial).  I would thrust my shovel into the ground and pull up some fresh muddy dirt, and then Alyvia and I would comb through it (sort of), and then I would dig some more.  

Suddenly...

I hit something hard.  A large rock!  You know the kind (well if you've ever done any digging of any kind for any reason), buried beneath lots of dirt, and all you can see is one tiny corner, but you know its gotta be huge cause you can't just reach in and pull it out.  So, I got my shovel and tried to find where this rock ended.  

Probably because I'm stubborn, but also because I'm so curious, I couldn't just let it go.  I had to figure out where this rock ended so I could pull it out, and get back to digging!  I mean I was gonna find a diamond (yeah right)!

There are a couple of analogies I can think of, that would apply to my spiritual life right now.  As I mentioned in my last post, I am taking part in Redemption Groups at church.  For more information about it, check out Mike Wilkerson's book Redemption.  

God has been unearthing my heart.  Kind of like my experience in the field digging for diamonds.  Only, God knows where to look, exactly, and He's not looking for tiny minute diamonds, He is digging to get to my heart.  And just before we left for vacation, I had reached a point where I told God, "Enough already."  He just kept thrusting that shovel into my dirt, and it seemed with every strike I was being left more vulnerable and open.  "But God, I want to keep my heart buried.  It is easier this way.  Can't you  just surface look?"  He thrusts His shovel in again.  "Why do You insist I deal with this, now?"  

My heart, to Him, is a precious jewel.  

He gave all His possessions to buy this field of dirt in order seek out that precious jewel. 

Matthew 13:44  

The kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field, which a man found and covered up.

Then in his joy he goes and sells all that he has and buys that field.

I AM HIS. 

 

He has purchased me with the blood of His Son.  Who am I to say, "enough, stop digging in my life"?  And so He thrusts His shovel in, each day, unearthing this buried treasure, the precious jewel, pearl of great price, because He longs for it.  He desires my heart, not my actions or words or good thoughts, He desires my heart.

Psalm 51:10a Create in me a clean heart oh God.