Dare to Hope?

Psalms 42:5
Why are you in despair, O my soul?
And why have you become disturbed within me?
Hope in God, for I shall again praise Him
For the help of His presence.

Hebrews 5:3-5
Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.

And HOPE does not disappoint. And yet I feel so disappointed. Afraid to hope for fear it will come crashing down around me. I have hoped for so many things, and like bubbles on a hot summer day in Texas, those hopes have vanished. Evaporated before falling to the ground, with nothing left as evidence that they even existed. I know that sounds extreme, and a bit dramatic.

Is Hope something we can just will to exist, or not to exist? I think of hope as a balloon, and God is picking through my bundle with needle. Pop, pop, pop till nothing is left. Of course this seems cruel, but really now that I look at it, it's all because I'm blowing up hopeless balloons. All my hope should be in Jesus, and yet it seems that it isn't.

So, I want to be angry, am I some child that I need this sort of discipline? Why can't He just send someone to tell me? Why force this on me in this way? Surely there are other ways to make this point. It hurts and I'm tired, I just want some relief from crying my eyes out over popped balloons. "...suffering produces perseverence; perseverance, character; and character, hope..."