Like A Cloud Over My Head

First let me just say "Ugh!"

For several months now I have been dealing with some abnormal "female" issues (guys reading I'm sure this will bore you!). And last month, it finally got to a point that I just could not ignore it anymore. I know ignoring a problem is never a good idea, but I have never enjoyed going to the doctor, and I don't like the way they look at me after seeing my family history. Thus the cloud over my head.

So, I'll go back a little and give some background. It starts with my grandad dying of cancer when I was really young. I don't really know what type, I've only assumed it was lung cancer cause I know he smoked. Then, a few years later, his wife, my grandmother lost a long battle with breast cancer. And when I was in the 5th grade, my mom discovered a lump in her breast, but by the time she was diagnosed with cancer, it was too late to do anything except chemo. She lost her battle about 6 months later.

This is the family history that doctors look at, and immediately lable me. I have fought the fears of cancer for a long time, and I had finally felt as though I had gained a victory over that fear, until just before I turned 30. I received a letter from my other grandmother, and in it she explained how she was always concerned with my health, and that it was important for me to do self examinations, and get mammograms. Most people, I'm sure would appreciate the gesture, and I did, but at the same time I was flooded with a terrible nightmare, I thought had gone away. My mother was just 32 when she died, and I am now only 2 years shy of that age.

So, two weeks ago, I found myself sitting in the office of an OBGYN, having the conversations, I had run from for a long time. "Given your family history, I'm going to make some suggestions..." and she proceeded to tell me all things I didn't want to hear; mammogram and a DNA test to see if I have a cancer gene. Do I really need that? I already know that I am at a greater risk of getting cancer than most women, so why do I need this test? And if I do take it and it shows that I do have this gene, what next? My options; masectomy. Do I want to know?

Then on to the reason I was there. I had previously had an ultrasound, that showed a "something" in my uterus, but they weren't sure what it was, and now the doctor was telling me that to be sure, they needed another ultrasound, one that would give them a better view. On Monday, I got the results of that ultrasound. There is a thickening of the lining, and a polyp of decent size. So, next week, I'm going back to the doctor, only this time to remove the polyp so that it can be sent for testing.

Playing this waiting game has opened a door seeds of fear. Everyday, I am bombarded with thoughts of "what if". My prayer lately has been for peace. And I have been reminding myself of Phillipians 4:8-9

8Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. 9Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.

Thank you for your prayers!