Forgiveness...
What a priceless gift. Long ago, we were freely given this gift when a man laid down His life for ours. And yet, still today we hold onto our past and the transgressions committed against us, refusing to forgive those who do not meet up to our standards of repenting. Well, I at least know I am in this catagory.
I can remember what it felt like the first time I said I was sorry for something I had or hadn't done (most likely my daily chores), and the reply I received was "Sorry doesn't cut it." What can do to receive forgiveness if saying I am sorry isn't enough, I must somehow earn the forgiveness and love I am seeking. And if you don't know how to truely show that your sorry for something, how do expect someone to forgive you? It's not enough just to be sorry. I have come to expect the same of others. I would never say it to anyone's face, but I expect an act of seeking forgiveness, and if someone simply says they sorry, I do not feel that they truely mean it.
I was reading Proverbs 17 one day, and tucked away in the middle of the passage is a simple verse that seemed to scream at me that day.
Verse 9:
He who conceals a transgression seeks love, but he who repeats a matter separates intimate friends.
In my heart once someone has wronged me, that matter is repeated everytime I see them or even think of them. It is repeated because I can't forgive them, if I can't forgive them I can't love them or trust them. It becomes this circle of bitterness and anger that encompasses me, and binds me and puts me in chains. How can I think of seeking forgiveness for my own sins when I can't let go of the things that others have done? And once again I am thrown into my own self made prison. I think I am protecting myself but I shut out everyone and God, but it is lonely when you have seperated yourself from love.
For Christmas, I want to give a priceless gift. But how do I do that? My mind cannot conceive forgiveness without some action. I want to forgive the debts that I wrongly believed were owed to me. To seek love and conceal all transgressions regardless of whether or not that person realizes what they have done (more than likely I have created a mountain out of a molehill).
God, I want to let go of the of the hurts in my past, to not be defined by them any longer. Instead going around showing everyone my scars, I want to say see God has made me whole. To be whole. Am I whole? Make me whole again.
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Withering Away
A flower in the sun withers away.
The cool morning seemingly greets her
With a warmth that promises great things.
A trusting flower withers and falls away.
God, I feel like I'm dying inside.
Slowly withering away.
Is this You bringing out a new life?
Or is this me refusing to go Your way?
To die; death brings new life.
A flower dies and spreads seeds
The water falls and the sun warms
Only time will tell if new life will be.
Are You glorified in the death of a flower
Or the raising of something new?
Or is Your glory displayed in the splendor
Of the flowers fragrance, its bloom?
I only want to live
And to live is to bring You glory.
I only want to live
I only want to give You glory.
The cool morning seemingly greets her
With a warmth that promises great things.
A trusting flower withers and falls away.
God, I feel like I'm dying inside.
Slowly withering away.
Is this You bringing out a new life?
Or is this me refusing to go Your way?
To die; death brings new life.
A flower dies and spreads seeds
The water falls and the sun warms
Only time will tell if new life will be.
Are You glorified in the death of a flower
Or the raising of something new?
Or is Your glory displayed in the splendor
Of the flowers fragrance, its bloom?
I only want to live
And to live is to bring You glory.
I only want to live
I only want to give You glory.
Sunday, November 23, 2008
And One More...
Alone and confused
Lost and afraid
I'm broken and bruised
By the mistakes that I've made.
Shattered like glass
Torn from Your grasp
Covered by this filth,
Can You love me still?
I will run to you
I will come to your rescue
I will wipe away the tears
And free you from these chains.
I will run to you
I will come to your aid
I will bind up your brokeness
And wipe away the stains.
Darkness surrounds me
And my enemies abound
I feel alone in this battle
No shelter can be found.
I will run to you
I will come to your rescue
I will stand by your side
When all others have left
I will run to you
I will come to your aid
I will be your place to hide
Your shelter to abide.
Melinda Wells
summer 2008
Lost and afraid
I'm broken and bruised
By the mistakes that I've made.
Shattered like glass
Torn from Your grasp
Covered by this filth,
Can You love me still?
I will run to you
I will come to your rescue
I will wipe away the tears
And free you from these chains.
I will run to you
I will come to your aid
I will bind up your brokeness
And wipe away the stains.
Darkness surrounds me
And my enemies abound
I feel alone in this battle
No shelter can be found.
I will run to you
I will come to your rescue
I will stand by your side
When all others have left
I will run to you
I will come to your aid
I will be your place to hide
Your shelter to abide.
Melinda Wells
summer 2008
Just Because...
I'm dying out here in this vast sea
The wind has blown and seems
to send me farther away from you.
I reach out my hand thinking it is you
As waves crash around me
And salt water fills my lungs.
Oh God can You see me here?
Oh God will You save me?
As I'm tossed by these waves, one thing is clear.
I am a small grain of sand in this vast universe.
My strength is fading in this vast sea
Dear God I need You and yet it seems
I keep getting farther away from You.
Oh God can You see me here?
Oh God will You save me?
Being tossed by these waves, one thing becomes clear
You're beyond all space and time and this vast universe.
Your my only hope, my only place of rest
Reach down Your mighty arm and save me.
Melinda Wells
11/15/08
The wind has blown and seems
to send me farther away from you.
I reach out my hand thinking it is you
As waves crash around me
And salt water fills my lungs.
Oh God can You see me here?
Oh God will You save me?
As I'm tossed by these waves, one thing is clear.
I am a small grain of sand in this vast universe.
My strength is fading in this vast sea
Dear God I need You and yet it seems
I keep getting farther away from You.
Oh God can You see me here?
Oh God will You save me?
Being tossed by these waves, one thing becomes clear
You're beyond all space and time and this vast universe.
Your my only hope, my only place of rest
Reach down Your mighty arm and save me.
Melinda Wells
11/15/08
Monday, October 06, 2008
Around the Throne
I have entered the Holy of Holies, standing before Your throne
The four and twenty elders have cast their crowns at Your feet.
I see Cheribum and Seraphim surrounding Your throne
The four creatures and angels joining in a melody so sweet.
The aroma of praise fills the air, as the glory
and honor You are worthy of causes me to weep.
I am unworthy of Your presence. Please take the coal
to my lips and cleanse them so I may speak
To tell of Your glory and splendor, to sing a new song of praise
To join with those around Your throne and the crystal sea.
I want to stay here with You, to remain at Your throne
and worship forever where I can feel your love and peace.
Melinda Wells Oct 06, 2008
Yesterday morning on my way to church, I was praying and meditating on God's word, when I remembered the verses in Revelation about the creatures and the 24 elders who unceasingly worshiped around the throne of God. How they took their crowns and layed them at the throne and sang :
"You are worthy, our Lord and God,
to receive glory and honor and power,
for you created all things,
and by your will they were created
and have their being."
There is no glory, no blessing, no praise or adoration that we receive that is of our own merit. Our very lives are not of our own will, but of the One and Only God. I knew at that moment I had to lay down all crowns. Anything that I thought was of my own, I humbly layed it down. I am looking for a job, and I have of course made a resume that boasts of all my accomplishments and experience. But only by the will of God will I ever find a job. I feel honored and humbled to come to Him and worship and Him. It is my honor to lay my life at His feet, to give Him lordship of my life.
The four and twenty elders have cast their crowns at Your feet.
I see Cheribum and Seraphim surrounding Your throne
The four creatures and angels joining in a melody so sweet.
The aroma of praise fills the air, as the glory
and honor You are worthy of causes me to weep.
I am unworthy of Your presence. Please take the coal
to my lips and cleanse them so I may speak
To tell of Your glory and splendor, to sing a new song of praise
To join with those around Your throne and the crystal sea.
I want to stay here with You, to remain at Your throne
and worship forever where I can feel your love and peace.
Melinda Wells Oct 06, 2008
Yesterday morning on my way to church, I was praying and meditating on God's word, when I remembered the verses in Revelation about the creatures and the 24 elders who unceasingly worshiped around the throne of God. How they took their crowns and layed them at the throne and sang :
"You are worthy, our Lord and God,
to receive glory and honor and power,
for you created all things,
and by your will they were created
and have their being."
There is no glory, no blessing, no praise or adoration that we receive that is of our own merit. Our very lives are not of our own will, but of the One and Only God. I knew at that moment I had to lay down all crowns. Anything that I thought was of my own, I humbly layed it down. I am looking for a job, and I have of course made a resume that boasts of all my accomplishments and experience. But only by the will of God will I ever find a job. I feel honored and humbled to come to Him and worship and Him. It is my honor to lay my life at His feet, to give Him lordship of my life.
Sunday, September 07, 2008
The Dance
Come to Me
Come to Me, my love
Hide away in Me, my love
Chosen for me before you were born,
I called you by name, you are Mine, you're My own
Come take My hand I'll be with you through the flame
Return back to Me, I'll clothe you in My name
Come purchase from Me garments of righteousness
And gold refined in the fire of My holiness
Ransomed from death, washed from your sin
With the blood that I shed so you may live again
Come to Me, my love
Hide away in Me, my love
I'm preparing a place that is made for you
Though I've gone away I will return for you soon
Come away with Me, my love
Hide away in Me, my love
Imagine Cinderella's reaction when the prince wanted to do nothing more than dance with her. Of all the women in the entire kingdom, she was the one he wanted to be with. Like she was made precisely for him. All she had ever known was the cruellity of the world, living in rags, and being told she was nothing. She must have felt fear, what if he saw her for who she really was, a step-child? She must have felt condemned, how could she ever measure up to his royalty, she lived in rags? And yet we all know the story, he felt so connected to her that he searched for her through out the whole kingdom, he had become madly in love with her.
Can you imagine dancing with the Lord? I know it sounds silly, but why not? While writing the above song, I wanted so much to convey God's love for me. How do I protray that in music, not just with lyrics, but with an entire song? It was almost like a scene out of a Jane Austin story. He came to me held out His hand and said, "Dance with Me." The dashing British gentleman, me a penniless female (Cinderella). But the difference is that unlike these fictional characters, I am unworthy of such a love. My story is more like Hosea, I am Gomer who is a prostitute, who is so undeserving of the love that is lavished on her. But still God holds out His hand to me. He wants to bring me in close to Him, to dance with Him, to be with Him, to abide in Him. And as things seem to spin I am grounded in Him, He leads I follow, He holds me steady, and somehow I am changed. I become His bride, pure and spotless, I am beauty, I am grace, I am all that He has seen in me from before the beginning.
Lyrics from:
We Will Dance
Steven Curtis Chapman
We will dance
When the sun is shining
In the pouring rain
We'll spin and we'll sway
And we will dance
When the gentle breeze
Becomes a hurricane
The music will play
And I'll take your hand
And hold you close to me
And we will dance
Sometimes it's hard to hold you tight
Sometimes we feel so far apart
Sometimes we dance as one
And feel the beating of each others hearts
Come to Me, my love
Hide away in Me, my love
Chosen for me before you were born,
I called you by name, you are Mine, you're My own
Come take My hand I'll be with you through the flame
Return back to Me, I'll clothe you in My name
Come purchase from Me garments of righteousness
And gold refined in the fire of My holiness
Ransomed from death, washed from your sin
With the blood that I shed so you may live again
Come to Me, my love
Hide away in Me, my love
I'm preparing a place that is made for you
Though I've gone away I will return for you soon
Come away with Me, my love
Hide away in Me, my love
Imagine Cinderella's reaction when the prince wanted to do nothing more than dance with her. Of all the women in the entire kingdom, she was the one he wanted to be with. Like she was made precisely for him. All she had ever known was the cruellity of the world, living in rags, and being told she was nothing. She must have felt fear, what if he saw her for who she really was, a step-child? She must have felt condemned, how could she ever measure up to his royalty, she lived in rags? And yet we all know the story, he felt so connected to her that he searched for her through out the whole kingdom, he had become madly in love with her.
Can you imagine dancing with the Lord? I know it sounds silly, but why not? While writing the above song, I wanted so much to convey God's love for me. How do I protray that in music, not just with lyrics, but with an entire song? It was almost like a scene out of a Jane Austin story. He came to me held out His hand and said, "Dance with Me." The dashing British gentleman, me a penniless female (Cinderella). But the difference is that unlike these fictional characters, I am unworthy of such a love. My story is more like Hosea, I am Gomer who is a prostitute, who is so undeserving of the love that is lavished on her. But still God holds out His hand to me. He wants to bring me in close to Him, to dance with Him, to be with Him, to abide in Him. And as things seem to spin I am grounded in Him, He leads I follow, He holds me steady, and somehow I am changed. I become His bride, pure and spotless, I am beauty, I am grace, I am all that He has seen in me from before the beginning.
Lyrics from:
We Will Dance
Steven Curtis Chapman
We will dance
When the sun is shining
In the pouring rain
We'll spin and we'll sway
And we will dance
When the gentle breeze
Becomes a hurricane
The music will play
And I'll take your hand
And hold you close to me
And we will dance
Sometimes it's hard to hold you tight
Sometimes we feel so far apart
Sometimes we dance as one
And feel the beating of each others hearts
The Lord is My Shepherd
Psalm 23
A Psalm of David.
1 The LORD is my shepherd;
I shall not want.
2 He makes me to lie down in green pastures;
He leads me beside the still waters.
3 He restores my soul;
He leads me in the paths of righteousness
For His name’s sake.
4 Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil;
For You are with me;
Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.
5 You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies;
You anoint my head with oil;
My cup runs over.
6 Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me
All the days of my life;
And I will dwell in the house of the LORD
Forever.
I love verse 1. There are so many things I want. I constantly find myself in a state of wanting. I want a bigger house, a second car, more money. But I forget that God promises me that He will always provide for me, all that I need, not want.
So, if all that I need is provided, why do I seem so dissatisfied? In church today we looked at Gal 6:5.
5 For each one shall bear his own load.
This is the life that God has ordained for me, and I want nothing more than to change it. I live in either my past or the future, and never in the moment. I keep looking for the day when this is all over and I can rest. Why do I have to wait for the future to rest? God says that His yoke is easy and His burden is light, but when you are struggling against it, you get worn out. It seems that everyday I am learning more and more how I struggle against God's will for me. Desiring what He has not promised me, and wanting more than He has provided.
Lord, I make this my prayer today. Help me to stop struggling against You, against Your will for me. Help me to live now instead of waiting for the future to live. I give my life now, if I wait till things are better, when I have more money and more time, then I have thrown away the precious life God has given me today. I live for You today, Lord.
A Psalm of David.
1 The LORD is my shepherd;
I shall not want.
2 He makes me to lie down in green pastures;
He leads me beside the still waters.
3 He restores my soul;
He leads me in the paths of righteousness
For His name’s sake.
4 Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil;
For You are with me;
Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.
5 You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies;
You anoint my head with oil;
My cup runs over.
6 Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me
All the days of my life;
And I will dwell in the house of the LORD
Forever.
I love verse 1. There are so many things I want. I constantly find myself in a state of wanting. I want a bigger house, a second car, more money. But I forget that God promises me that He will always provide for me, all that I need, not want.
So, if all that I need is provided, why do I seem so dissatisfied? In church today we looked at Gal 6:5.
5 For each one shall bear his own load.
This is the life that God has ordained for me, and I want nothing more than to change it. I live in either my past or the future, and never in the moment. I keep looking for the day when this is all over and I can rest. Why do I have to wait for the future to rest? God says that His yoke is easy and His burden is light, but when you are struggling against it, you get worn out. It seems that everyday I am learning more and more how I struggle against God's will for me. Desiring what He has not promised me, and wanting more than He has provided.
Lord, I make this my prayer today. Help me to stop struggling against You, against Your will for me. Help me to live now instead of waiting for the future to live. I give my life now, if I wait till things are better, when I have more money and more time, then I have thrown away the precious life God has given me today. I live for You today, Lord.
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