Reason For The Season

Christmas trees with bright stars atop,
Decorated houses on every block
Holiday music floats on the air
Bell ringers and Santas everywhere.


This Christmas season has been one of contemplation. I have so many times, stopped myself as I wish someone a Merry Christmas or Happy Holidays, to question what am I truly saying or meaning. As I bought and wrapped presents, and looked at cards, as I have listened to Christmas music in my car. I wonder, what am I celebrating again? Did I think of Jesus in the middle of the aisles at Wal-mart? Did I thank God for His gift, as I pushed past people at the mall?

Sadly, no.

But God is so faithful to bring us back to Him. Sometimes He has to shout above all the noise we surround ourselves with, and sometimes it is that quiet and yet piercing whisper.

So what am I thinking of this year at Christmas?

No, I'm not thinking of a baby in manger, but yet I am thinking of the fulfillment of a promise. God took me Isaiah 53 the other day, and I thought, "This is really what we should be celebrating, and not just now at this time in our lives, but everyday!" Christmas is not about wonderment in children's eyes, as I have been told over and over again. It isn't about a man in a red suit going around making sure children are in their beds, and well behaved. It's about the gift that God gives to every man, the promise of salvation! And I know that Jesus wasn't necessarily born on Dec 25th, but He was born, and He is the savior, and I thank God for a gift that cannot compare to any gifts given or received on Christmas.

I love the smile on children's faces as they open presents, and the feeling of gratitude as I help out those in need, but none of this means anything without the acceptance of the only gift that can really satisfy. Knowing what God did for me, in order that I could be called His child, humbles me as a parent. I'm hoping my kids will like their new toys, but God wants us to accept His gift, His son, so that we may eternal life in Him!

Okay, Isaiah 53: Do you believe?

1 Who has believed our report?
And to whom has the arm of the LORD been revealed?
2 For He shall grow up before Him as a tender plant,
And as a root out of dry ground.
He has no form or comeliness;
And when we see Him,
There is no beauty that we should desire Him.
3 He is despised and rejected by men,
A Man of sorrows and acquainted with grief.
And we hid, as it were, our faces from Him;
He was despised, and we did not esteem Him.
4 Surely He has borne our griefs
And carried our sorrows;
Yet we esteemed Him stricken,
Smitten by God, and afflicted.
5 But He was wounded for our transgressions,
He was bruised for our iniquities;
The chastisement for our peace was upon Him,
And by His stripes we are healed.
6 All we like sheep have gone astray;
We have turned, every one, to his own way;
And the LORD has laid on Him the iniquity of us all.
7 He was oppressed and He was afflicted,
Yet He opened not His mouth;
He was led as a lamb to the slaughter,
And as a sheep before its shearers is silent,
So He opened not His mouth.
8 He was taken from prison and from judgment,
And who will declare His generation?
For He was cut off from the land of the living;
For the transgressions of My people He was stricken.
9 And they made His grave with the wicked—
But with the rich at His death,
Because He had done no violence,
Nor was any deceit in His mouth.
10 Yet it pleased the LORD to bruise Him;
He has put Him to grief.
When You make His soul an offering for sin,
He shall see His seed, He shall prolong His days,
And the pleasure of the LORD shall prosper in His hand.
11 He shall see the labor of His soul,and be satisfied.
By His knowledge My righteous Servant shall justify many,
For He shall bear their iniquities.
12 Therefore I will divide Him a portion with the great,
And He shall divide the spoil with the strong,
Because He poured out His soul unto death,
And He was numbered with the transgressors,
And He bore the sin of many,
And made intercession for the transgressors.

My Beloved-Kari Jobe

You're My Beloved
You're My Bride
To sing over you is
My delight
Come away with Me
My love
You're Beautiful to Me
So beautiful to Me
Under My mercy
Come and wait
Till we are standing face to face
I see no stain on you
My child
You're Beautiful to Me
So Beautiful to Me
I sing over you
My song of peace
Cast all your care down at
My feet
Come and find your rest in Me
I'll breathe My life inside of you
I'll bear you up on eagle's wings
And hide you in the shadow of My strength
I'll take you to My quiet waters
I'll restore your soul
Come rest in Me and be made whole
You're My beloved
You're My Bride
To sing over you is my delight
Come away with me my love


Thank you Lord, for reminding me that Your mercy covers me. You make me beautiful.

Healer

I have loved this song from the first time I heard it. What an amazing God we serve, who faithful to His promises. When He says we will go through and not be burned, He proves it. And I think this video shows just that.
The most fitting scripture I could think of was Isaiah 43:2

When you pass through the waters,
I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
you will not be burned;
the flames will not set you ablaze.

Below are the lyrics to this wonderful song by Kari Jobe.

You hold my every moment
You calm my raging seas
You walk with me through fire
And heal all my disease

I trust in You
I trust in You

I believe You're my healer
I believe You are all I need
I believe You're my portion
I believe You're more than enough for me
Jesus, You're all I need

You hold my every moment
You calm my raging seas
You walk with me through fire
And heal all my disease

I trust in You
I trust in You

I believe You're my healer
I believe You are all I need
I believe You're my portion
I believe You're more than enough for me
Jesus, You're all I need

Nothing is impossible for You
Nothing is impossible for You
Nothing is impossible for You
Nothing is impossible for You

Briefly

Well, this will be brief. I know there was a lot going on before I decided to go on a blog hiatus. First the praise:

All tests were normal! There was some concern at first because the polyp ended up being about 3 times larger than what the ultrasound showed. But, my God is bigger! :) Regarding the DNA test, God answered my prayer and showed me the course of action He wants me to take. Dan 3. Without making this into a long study, He basically showed me to not bow my knee to fear, and the DNA test was exactly that, fear. God has been so faithful to me over the last several weeks, and I just want to take time to give Him glory!

Next:

Well, I don't really have anything else, but since I had a "first", then I needed a "next". Hehe! I hope to be posting soon. There have been a lot of things that God has been showing and speaking to me, but mostly it has been for me. I am definately going through some growing pains, but I know that God is with me and His plan is to bring about His good work, in me.

Thank you Lord for Your faithfullness!

Psalm 91
1 He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High
will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.
2 I will say of the LORD, "He is my refuge and my fortress,
my God, in whom I trust."
3 Surely he will save you from the fowler's snare
and from the deadly pestilence.
4 He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge;
his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.
5 You will not fear the terror of night,
nor the arrow that flies by day,
6 nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness,

nor the plague that destroys at midday.
7 A thousand may fall at your side,

ten thousand at your right hand,

but it will not come near you.
8 You will only observe with your eyes

and see the punishment of the wicked.
9 If you make the Most High your dwelling—

even the LORD, who is my refuge-
10 then no harm will befall you,

no disaster will come near your tent.
11 For he will command his angels concerning you

to guard you in all your ways;
12 they will lift you up in their hands,

so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.
13 You will tread upon the lion and the cobra;

you will trample the great lion and the serpent.
14 "Because he loves me," says the LORD, "I will rescue him;

I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name.
15 He will call upon me, and I will answer him;

I will be with him in trouble,

I will deliver him and honor him.
16 With long life will I satisfy him

and show him my salvation."

I was young, and terrified of the dark. I could hardly sleep at night, I was so afraid, and even my dreams would scare me. My mom, had me memorize this passage. Yes, the whole passage. And everytime I got scared, I'd start repeating it, and I could feel the peace of God. Now, here I am many years later, and when I am scared or anxious, or just worrying, I go back to this passage. Now, I ask myself a few questions as I recite Psalms 91.

Am I dwelling in the secret place of the Most High? Am I running to Him for shelter? Have I called upon Him? Do I love the Lord? His promises are always true, but I must realize that I have to go to Him.

Lord, I am need of Your shelter. Cover me with the shadow of Your wings. I will find my peace in You, my refuge and my fortress.

The Valley Song by Jars of Clay

You have led me to the sadness
I have carried this pain
On a back bruised, nearly broken
I'm crying out to you

Chorus
I will sing of Your mercy
That leads me through valleys of sorrow
To rivers of joy

When death like a Gypsy
Comes to steal what I love
I will still look to the heavens
I will still seek your face
But I fear you aren't listening
Because there are no words
Just the stillness and the hunger
For a faith that assures

Chorus x2

Alleluia, alleluia
Alleluia, alleluia
While we wait for rescue
With our eyes tightly shut
Face to the ground using our hands
To cover the fatal cut
And though the pain is an ocean
Tossing us around, around, around
You have calmed greater waters
Higher mountains have come down

Chorus

Yeah
Alleluia, alleluia
Alleluia, alleluia
Alleluia, alleluia alleluia, alleluia
Alleluia, alleluia alleluia, alleluia

Chorus (4 Xs)
Oh, Lord sing of Your mercy,
MercyYour mercy

Like A Cloud Over My Head

First let me just say "Ugh!"

For several months now I have been dealing with some abnormal "female" issues (guys reading I'm sure this will bore you!). And last month, it finally got to a point that I just could not ignore it anymore. I know ignoring a problem is never a good idea, but I have never enjoyed going to the doctor, and I don't like the way they look at me after seeing my family history. Thus the cloud over my head.

So, I'll go back a little and give some background. It starts with my grandad dying of cancer when I was really young. I don't really know what type, I've only assumed it was lung cancer cause I know he smoked. Then, a few years later, his wife, my grandmother lost a long battle with breast cancer. And when I was in the 5th grade, my mom discovered a lump in her breast, but by the time she was diagnosed with cancer, it was too late to do anything except chemo. She lost her battle about 6 months later.

This is the family history that doctors look at, and immediately lable me. I have fought the fears of cancer for a long time, and I had finally felt as though I had gained a victory over that fear, until just before I turned 30. I received a letter from my other grandmother, and in it she explained how she was always concerned with my health, and that it was important for me to do self examinations, and get mammograms. Most people, I'm sure would appreciate the gesture, and I did, but at the same time I was flooded with a terrible nightmare, I thought had gone away. My mother was just 32 when she died, and I am now only 2 years shy of that age.

So, two weeks ago, I found myself sitting in the office of an OBGYN, having the conversations, I had run from for a long time. "Given your family history, I'm going to make some suggestions..." and she proceeded to tell me all things I didn't want to hear; mammogram and a DNA test to see if I have a cancer gene. Do I really need that? I already know that I am at a greater risk of getting cancer than most women, so why do I need this test? And if I do take it and it shows that I do have this gene, what next? My options; masectomy. Do I want to know?

Then on to the reason I was there. I had previously had an ultrasound, that showed a "something" in my uterus, but they weren't sure what it was, and now the doctor was telling me that to be sure, they needed another ultrasound, one that would give them a better view. On Monday, I got the results of that ultrasound. There is a thickening of the lining, and a polyp of decent size. So, next week, I'm going back to the doctor, only this time to remove the polyp so that it can be sent for testing.

Playing this waiting game has opened a door seeds of fear. Everyday, I am bombarded with thoughts of "what if". My prayer lately has been for peace. And I have been reminding myself of Phillipians 4:8-9

8Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. 9Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.

Thank you for your prayers!

Run For Your Life

This was a very moving video. We are in a battle, and souls are being lost every day. Eph 6:10-17 reminds us that this is a battle not against people, but against spiritual forces. Yesterday in church it was said that we take it personally when we are under attack or struggling spititually. When Goliath taunted the Isrealites, and when the enemy tries to stir up fear in us, or taunts us, he is mocking God. But what do we do? We run away, or we hide, or even surrender, when we should be running to the battle, trusting that God is on our side! It's not about me. I see that now, and I want to stand strong in the Lord, and His might. I will trust in Him!

By Your Word

Upon this straight and narrow path
You have placed my feet.
Your devine and perfect will
You promise to complete.

And so with faith and trust in You
I take the next step for'ard,
Not looking to the left or right,
But looking to Your word.

'Tis a lamp that lights the way
Never to go out,
Shining in the dark of night
Removing fear and doubt.

Together Lord walking on
Through the desert and the flood.
You gently lead and guide my way
Within Your Holy word.

My Soul Cries Out

In the hollow of Your hands You have measured
The depths of every sea
Wht the breadth of Your hands You have marked out
The width of the skies
You are Creator of the heavens
Maker of the earth
And You created me.

My soul, my soul cries out

You are
Magnificent, wonderful
Lord of all the earth.
You are
Marvelous, powerful
Lord of all the earth.
You are Holy, You are Holy, You are Holy

With the breath from Your spirit, You have breathed
Life to dry bones
With the words from Your mouth You have spoken
Life into existance
You are the Breath of Life
Maker of the earth
And You created me.

My soul, my soul cries out

You are
Magnificent, wonderful
Lord of all the earth.
You are
Marvelous, Powerful
Lord of all the earth.
You are Holy, You are Holy, You are Holy!

This is mostly inspired by Isaiah 40:12. I was reading it recently and just in awe at the majesty of God. The very God who can hold the waters of the whole earth, holds me. The very God who created the seas and the heavens, created me!

Another Honest Scrap

Ha! I don't know how to do this! Early this week, I was honored An Honest Scrap Award, by my new blog friend, Catrina . I can't even continue without saying how blessed I feel to have met her here, on Blogspot, and on FaithWriters.com. God has really used her to encourage me through scripture, even if she didn't realize it! :)

So, now, in return I must list 10 honest things about me! Whew, here it goes!

1) I love chocolate
2) I hate spiders!
3) I can be a little OCD, at times.
4) I'm not very good at trusting other people (but God is forcing a change in that)
5) I love God, He is everything to me, and He fills me with all that I need in Him.
6) I love worship, but I'm afraid to let people see that (see # 4 for details)
7) My husband is my best friend. I'm not just saying that, he really is!
8) I want to get involved in short term missions.
9) I like to read the thesaurus and find new exciting words.
10) I like being happy!

Okay, so I was honest! Now, to pass this award on to other blogs that inspire me.

Venting - This is my husbands blog! He has really opened up in his writing, and started sharing parts of himself, and mostly it melts my heart when I read it!

Life As I Know It - I really haven't had a chance to meet Suzy in person, but I am blessed to have "met" her through my friend Traci. I see that God is working in her life, and I enjoy reading about the steps she is taking towards Him.

Hmmmmm.... - Traci is my best friend from high school. Even though we are far apart, I still feel close to her, and I can't wait to see the things that she writes about as she begins her new blog!

Gosh, there are so many others, but right now these are the ones that I feel deserve this award. Hopefully it will inspire them to continue to share their testimonies with others, and encourage them to continue in what God is doing in their lives.

Again, I have to say thank you to Catrina! You have no idea how you made my day! One thing I constantly look forward to, is finding that I am sharing God's word with people I wouldn't normally get the chance to share with! Thank you!

Worship Me

"Lord, I want to worship you."
Worship Me.
"There are too many distractions."
Worship Me.
"This song is just too fast."
Worship Me.
"That lady on stage, is she really worshipping, or is it an act?"
Worship Me.
"I can't worship You, the mood is not right, my mind is not focused, and I have too many things keeping me from You."
Worship Me.
Gen 22:4-6
4On the third day Abraham raised his eyes and saw the place from a distance.
5Abraham said to his young men, "Stay here with the donkey, and I and the lad will go over there; and we will worship and return to you."
6Abraham took the wood of the burnt offering and laid it on Isaac his son, and he took in his hand the fire and the knife. So the two of them walked on together.

"Again, Lord? Why do You keep bringing me back to this? What am I missing?"

This word "worship" means to bow down, it also means obeisance.
obeisance- Noun 1. obeisance - bending the head or body or knee as a sign of reverence or submission or shame or greeting; 2. obeisance - the act of obeying; dutiful or submissive behavior with respect to another person.

I want to worship You. Forgive me for not being obediant in worship, for allowing the distractions, for making excuses. True worshippers, worshipping in spirit and in truth. I want to worship You in truth, and in spirit, even when my flesh is weak and would rather make excuses for disobediance.

Worship Me.

Romans 12:1-2 1
Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual act of worship. 2Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

Discipleship: Getting ready for swimsuit season

Yes, I know the title is strange. But it was the best analogy I could think of last night, as I tried to make my flesh agree with my spririt, that discipleship is a good thing, and a needed thing. I guess it would be better to compare it to a runner preparing for a race, much like Paul does in 1 Corinthians 9.

24Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize.
25Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last; but we do it to get a crown that will last forever. 26Therefore I do not run like a man running aimlessly; I do not fight like a man beating the air. 27No, I beat my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize.

But with it being summer time, I thought it best to use the swimsuit! Besides, it will help with explaining the need to expose ourselves to the Lord. Think about how exposed you feel when you put on a swimsuit!

So, every year I go into a frenzied diet mode, trying to get ready for the coming swimsuit season. I research diets, excercises, and all other ways to lose that winter weight. But, when it comes to my spritual health, I do not seek out the knowledge of those who are able to help me. God has been telling me about counting costs, dying to self, and sacrifice, and while the words were hard to swallow at times, I continued to say "Yes, Lord." This week, it was brought to me that I need to put myself under certain women in the church, for...discipleship. And instantly my flesh said, "Wait, no way am I going to sit and be told what to do." For those who truely know me, you know I'm stubborn to the core, and don't like being told what to do. Even if it is right and good, I still don't like being told. I want to figure it out for myself. I guess I'll need to count that cost!

God clearly told me that this was coming. And even yesterday He took me to Proverbs 15.

5A fool rejects his father's discipline,
But he who regards reproof is sensible.

12A scoffer does not love one who reproves him,
He will not go to the wise.

And the clincher...

31He whose ear listens to the life-giving reproof
Will dwell among the wise.
32He who neglects discipline despises himself,
But he who listens to reproof acquires understanding.
33The fear of the LORD is the instruction for wisdom,
And before honor comes humility.

So, I'm getting ready for a spiritual swimsuit season! Lord help me to have a heart that is like fertile soil, and that I will listen to instruction and be obedient to Your word, life-giving reproof. To be humble, to be moldable, so that I can be usable.

The Stand - Hillsong United

You stood before creation
Eternity within Your hand
You spoke the earth into motion
My soul now to stand

You stood before my failure
Carried the Cross for my shame
My sin weighed upon Your shoulders
My soul now to stand

So what can I say
What can I do
But offer this heart O God
Completely to You

So I'll walk upon salvation
Your Spirit alive in me
This life to declare Your promise
My soul now to stand

So what can I say
What can I do
But offer this heart O God
Completely to You

So I’ll stand
With arms high and heart abandoned
In awe of the One who gave it all

So I’ll stand
My soul Lord to You surrendered
All I am is Yours

What an amazing song. How often do we abandon our hearts for the Lord? I have been the type of person, who at all costs protects the heart. And yet, God clearly says that is the one thing He desires most. Our hearts abandoned to Him. Sitting in my cubicle at work, and all I wanted to do was bow before my God in complete surrender.

Lord, all I am is Yours. All that I am I surrender to You!

Sacrifice: The Ram In The Bush

Exodus 22:13
13Then Abraham raised his eyes and looked, and behold, behind him a ram caught in the thicket by his horns; and Abraham went and took the ram and offered him up for a burnt offering in the place of his son.

There is a song that we sing at church, right now the title escapes me, as well as most of the words! But this Sunday, there were five words that have continued to stick with me. "The ram in the bush..." I'm not sure how everyone else in service felt about those words as they melodically floated through the air, but they seemed to settle on me in such a way, that I feel God is trying to show me something. Speak something to me. If you have been following my blogs lately, you know that sacrifice has been a main and repetitive theme, with emphasis on the portion of scripture that those lyrics come from.

We know that Jesus is represented in this passage, by Abraham willing to sacrifice his only son and by the ram that becomes the sacrifice provided by God. I began to think about the timing of it all, and how important it was that Abraham paid close attention to the details God was showing Him.

vs. 2
2He said, "Take now your son, your only son, whom you love, Isaac, and go to the land of Moriah, and offer him there as a burnt offering on one of the mountains of which I will tell you."

There was a specific place that God was leading Abraham, much like there is a specific place that God is leading us. Anytime we become rebellious or stubborn and decide that we want to go our own route, it keeps us from getting to the spot where God has provided the "ram in the bush". I have been on my own journey, most of you have read about it here, to a place God has purposed for me, learning about sacrifice, patience, and faith. I have had to try my hardest to put my desires and passions, my life, on that alter. Most times I have struggled and failed, and I still see where I am lacking in faith. But God has given me hope. Once again, I'm brought to the realization (and it shouldn't really be such a grand realization cause it's something I should know already!) that my hope is in Jesus. If I follow the direction of God, and go to the mountain He will tell me of, He has already provided the "ram in the bush".

What would have happened had Abraham decided he couldn't go all the way, or that another mountain was closer and made better sense. Would the ram have been caught in the bushes? Would he have passed up what God really had in store? We know that God never intended for Abraham to sacrifice his son. But just like God tested Abraham's patience, by causing him to wait till he was over 100 years old for Isaac, the promised seed, God was testing Abraham's faith. If God could give a promise, He would see it through to the very end, even if He had to raise the boy from the dead.

Where am I in this? God, I know that you have been speaking to me about sacrifice. I want to follow Your direction to the very end. I don't want to give up on You, or to rebel and turn aside and follow my own path. You are directing, leading, and guiding me to that place, and I want to follow You!

Counting the Cost

Luke 14:25-33 25
Large crowds were traveling with Jesus, and turning to them he said: 26"If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, his wife and children, his brothers and sisters—yes, even his own life—he cannot be my disciple. 27And anyone who does not carry his cross and follow me cannot be my disciple. 28"Suppose one of you wants to build a tower. Will he not first sit down and estimate the cost to see if he has enough money to complete it? 29For if he lays the foundation and is not able to finish it, everyone who sees it will ridicule him, 30saying, 'This fellow began to build and was not able to finish.' 31"Or suppose a king is about to go to war against another king. Will he not first sit down and consider whether he is able with ten thousand men to oppose the one coming against him with twenty thousand? 32If he is not able, he will send a delegation while the other is still a long way off and will ask for terms of peace. 33In the same way, any of you who does not give up everything he has cannot be my disciple.

Phil 3:7-9. 7
But whatever things were gain to me, those things I have counted as loss for the sake of Christ. 8More than that, I count all things to be loss in view of the surpassing value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them but rubbish so that I may gain Christ,

Again, it was a Sunday morning when God spoke these words to me. "Count the cost." The pervasive "still small voice" of God, penetrating my heart. Really I don't know what to say to that. While I've meditated and chewed on it for days, I don't want to respond mindlessly. Isn't that what Luke is talking about, a mindless haphazard response to God's will, instead of counting the cost?

So, I'll continue to seek God about this, and what He is trying to show me. But I really wanted to share these scriptures with everyone. I think we are in a time, where we need to be counting the costs. Are we really willing to give all? Our lavish homes, our fancy cars, friendships, family, anything that we may put ahead of God or that we allow to stop us from fully following God. I don't want to sound pesimistic, since really it is because of hope in our God that we are able to shed the cares and worries and things of this world.

Dare to Hope?

Psalms 42:5
Why are you in despair, O my soul?
And why have you become disturbed within me?
Hope in God, for I shall again praise Him
For the help of His presence.

Hebrews 5:3-5
Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.

And HOPE does not disappoint. And yet I feel so disappointed. Afraid to hope for fear it will come crashing down around me. I have hoped for so many things, and like bubbles on a hot summer day in Texas, those hopes have vanished. Evaporated before falling to the ground, with nothing left as evidence that they even existed. I know that sounds extreme, and a bit dramatic.

Is Hope something we can just will to exist, or not to exist? I think of hope as a balloon, and God is picking through my bundle with needle. Pop, pop, pop till nothing is left. Of course this seems cruel, but really now that I look at it, it's all because I'm blowing up hopeless balloons. All my hope should be in Jesus, and yet it seems that it isn't.

So, I want to be angry, am I some child that I need this sort of discipline? Why can't He just send someone to tell me? Why force this on me in this way? Surely there are other ways to make this point. It hurts and I'm tired, I just want some relief from crying my eyes out over popped balloons. "...suffering produces perseverence; perseverance, character; and character, hope..."

Let My Silence Be Praise

Sweet melody to Your ears alone.
In silence my heart cries
It cries out to you
That you would be glorified alone.

As the trees praise
As the mountains bow
Like all creation
I will glorify You

Sweet fragrance to You alone.
My song is silenced
To hear Your voice
That You would be glorified alone.

As the trees praise
As the mountains bow
Like all creation
I will glorify You.

Melinda Wells
04/05/09

Eccl 3:6-8
6 a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
7 a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
8 a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.

1 Kings 19:11-13
11 The LORD said, "Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the LORD, for the LORD is about to pass by."
Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the LORD, but the LORD was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the LORD was not in the earthquake. 12 After the earthquake came a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper. 13 When Elijah heard it, he pulled his cloak over his face and went out and stood at the mouth of the cave.
Then a voice said to him, "What are you doing here, Elijah?"

I love to sing, I love to write, I love to talk, I love to voice my opinion, idea, thoughts, and everything. Lately I have felt a need to just be quiet. To just listen to the Lord. Sometimes I get wrapped up in my own words, and I don't stop to examine them. Do they agree with God's words? Are my words louder than His? I want to be like the trees, created to praise just like I am, but without words they bring Him glory. They simply do what they were created for. Mountains bow before God's majesty. No words uttered there, just humble surrender. Like Ecclesiastes says, there is a time to be silent, and that time is now.

Hmmm

Untitled
Melinda Wells 03/31/09

Childsplay
A Circus
The funhouse effect
I'm looking at mirrors
That are all around me.

The skinny one
The fat one
The tall one
The short one

Reflections
of me
Well sort of
But are they real?
Skewed images of the truth.

One by one they taunt me
Keeping me trapped inside
Their voices drowning out
Your still small voice that guides.
Your light pours in
And reveals the truth
Looking in a mirror
Till my reflection is You.

I Finally Get It!

Below is an email I recently sent to my hubby about some confusion I had been having regarding Hebrews 2. Hope you enjoy!

Okay, so remember back when we were having bible study before game night? And we read Heb 2:

5It is not to angels that he has subjected the world to come, about which we are speaking. 6But there is a place where someone has testified:
"What is man that you are mindful of him,
the son of man that you care for him?
7You made him a little lower than the angels;
you crowned him with glory and honor
8 and put everything under his feet."

In putting everything under him, God left nothing that is not subject to him. Yet at present we do not see everything subject to him. 9But we see Jesus, who was made a little lower than the angels, now crowned with glory and honor because he suffered death, so that by the grace of God he might taste death for everyone.

And we were all confused about what it was saying? So I was reading Psalms 8 today. And I think it clicked. Vs 1 says "...You have set Your glory above the heavens...", which is talking about how far above our concept is God's glory. Then vs 3-5

3 When I consider Your heavens, the work of Your fingers,
The moon and the stars, which You have ordained,
4 What is man that You are mindful of him,
And the son of man that You visit him?
5 For You have made him a little lower than the angels,
And You have crowned him with glory and honor.

When I consider the awesomeness, the greatness, the majesty of my God, why would he put so much stock in this lowly being, man? In Hebrews we see that same question, but it goes even further. Why would God "demote" His son to that same lowly position? Imagine a king taking his only son, his heir, and making him live like a peasant. His son is the one that going to keep foreigners out of the kingdom, keep other countries from coming in and taking over, the son is the continuation of what has been and (w/ fingers crossed) always will be. So, God took the heir to His throne and made Him like us, man so that we could be heirs. Hebrews is making that connection, Jesus became like us so that we could be like HIm.

So, back to Hebrews 2:
10In bringing many sons to glory, it was fitting that God, for whom and through whom everything exists, should make the author of their salvation perfect through suffering.
11Both the one who makes men holy and those who are made holy are of the same family. So Jesus is not ashamed to call them brothers.
12He says,
"I will declare your name to my brothers;
in the presence of the congregation I will sing your praises."
13And again,
"I will put my trust in him."
And again he says,
"Here am I, and the children God has given me."

On The Outside Looking In

Little girl
Hair all in bows,
Looking through
A toy store window.

Sees happy children
Playing inside.
Sees happy children
Laughing through smiles.

Always looking in
Always wanting to take part.
The door seems to be locked
Breaking her fragile heart.
Does something better
Await down the road?
Is there something more precious
She's waiting to behold?

Melinda Wells
03/22/09

Just feel like writing

Untitled
by: Melinda Wells

I give my life
I give my all for You
Nothing I desire
Nothing I can do
Will ever satisfy me like You.

And I worship You
I worship You
I worship You, my Lord.

You are my God
You are my King
You're my Lord,
Myy everything.

And I worship You
I worship You
I worship You, my Lord

Radiation

Romans 8:18-25
Psalms 46

Family Force 5
Radiator lyrics

[Verse 1:]
Goodbye humans, goodbye earth
I've left this place and all it's worth
I am transcending space and time
I'm traveling at the speed of light

Affection, reflection
This is the new direction
Conspiracy is idiocracy
I radiate light's transparency

[Pre Chorus 1:]
Generation
Radiation
We are the chosen nation

[Chorus:]
Hey you, you're blowing my mind again
Out of my skull, I feel the levitation
I feel my skin crawling off of my soul
I feel your radiation

[Tag:]
I'll be a radiator just like you
Radiate it on me, burn it on through
I feel the radiation
Radiate it on me

[Verse 2:]
Hello future, hello birth
This is your newborn universe
There is no longer wrong or right
We have become a source of light

[Pre Chorus 2:]
Conceptual
Celestial
We are extraterrestrial

Creator
Vindicator
We are the

Allright, so you probably are thinking what all the above have in common. I am going to try my hardest to help you understand what I saw in all of it.

With all the talk of our economic woes and how things are only going to get worse, I had been feeling somewhat uneasy. But a couple of days ago, I started reading some verses in Psalms, and I really felt God's peace. In Psalms 46, it says in verses 1-3, "God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging. Selah." I sort of equated what is going in the economy with the earth giving way and falling into the sea, but my hope and peace comes from knowing that God is my refuge. That it doesn't matter what happens in this world, my hope is in God. Which brings me to Romans 8:18-25 "I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. The creation waits in eager expectation for the sons of God to be revealed. For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the glorious freedom of the children of God.
We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what he already has?But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently."

Which leads to today. I don't know where it came from, cause last night I was more overwhelmed with the doomsday messages I heard about the end of days. But this morning, God's peace settled over me as I listened to the radio. What was playing? Radiator by Family Force 5. Haha, I know how could that possibly bring me peace? God reminded me once again, my hope is in Him. I am eagerly looking forward to the "redemption of my body." When I leave this decaying body behind, when I leave this falling world, when I am standing in the presence of God!

Okay, I'm not sure if I tied it all together as well I had planned, but the bottom line is this. Yes, it may be that we are in the last and final days. Our stock market may plummet, and the world we know seemingly fall into the sea, the only way to have peace through it all is to have God as your refuge. In Psalms, David continuously calls God his stronghold, rock, refuge. I have no doubt that if things only get worse, God will be my refuge. He will cover me, and He will provide all that I need, He always has and I know He always will. God, thank you for showering me with Your peace today, for reminding me where my hope lies. Be my refuge, my strong tower, the only stronghold in my life. I look forward to being a radiator, radiating Your radiation!

Psamls 19

Psalm 19
For the director of music. A psalm of David.
1 The heavens declare the glory of God;
the skies proclaim the work of his hands.
2 Day after day they pour forth speech;
night after night they display knowledge.
3 There is no speech or language
where their voice is not heard.
4 Their voice goes out into all the earth,
their words to the ends of the world.
In the heavens he has pitched a tent for the sun,
5 which is like a bridegroom coming forth from his pavilion,
like a champion rejoicing to run his course.
6 It rises at one end of the heavens
and makes its circuit to the other;
nothing is hidden from its heat.
7 The law of the LORD is perfect,
reviving the soul.
The statutes of the LORD are trustworthy,
making wise the simple.
8 The precepts of the LORD are right,
giving joy to the heart.
The commands of the LORD are radiant,
giving light to the eyes.
9 The fear of the LORD is pure,
enduring forever.
The ordinances of the LORD are sure
and altogether righteous.
10 They are more precious than gold,
than much pure gold;
they are sweeter than honey,
than honey from the comb.
11 By them is your servant warned;
in keeping them there is great reward.
12 Who can discern his errors?
Forgive my hidden faults.
13 Keep your servant also from willful sins;
may they not rule over me.
Then will I be blameless,
innocent of great transgression.
14 May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart
be pleasing in your sight,
O LORD, my Rock and my Redeemer.

Sacrifice: Abraham and Isaac

The story of Abraham is a story of patience (and impatience), waiting for the fullfillment of God's promises. We see in Genesis 15 the beginning of a promise, and the faith that Abraham had in God, that He would bring that promise.

Gen 15:4-5
Then the word of the LORD came to him: "This man will not be your heir, but a son coming from your own body will be your heir." He took him outside and said, "Look up at the heavens and count the stars—if indeed you can count them." Then he said to him, "So shall your offspring be." Abram believed the LORD, and he credited it to him as righteousness.

But Abraham would have to wait many years before he ever saw that promise fullfilled. Because God is so faithful, He continues to remind him of His promise, and that some day he will be the "father of many nations". Can you imagine the joy he felt when Sarah finally gave birth to Isaac? And how old were they? Over 100 years of age, and we can't even wait 30 minutes for our food.

Now skip forward to Genesis 22, "Some time later, God tested Abraham..." And we all know how it goes from here. God tells Abraham to give Him his only son, his "promise", and Abraham takes Isaac to the alter, lays the wood on the alter and then places Isaac bound atop the wood. He takes the knife and is prepared to follow through with the sacrifice, when he is suddenly stopped by "the angel of the Lord" telling him that He knows Abraham fears the Lord, and would not withhold anything, not even his son.

What an amazing show of obediance. I tell God continually, "I will lay it down on the alter," in songs, in prayer, in action. I am so willing to lay [it] on the alter. But today, what do I hear as I am once again singing of laying my life on the alter? "Is that enough?"

What? God I don't get what Your saying. I am here, and I want to honor You, by laying everything on the alter. And then He reminded of Abraham. "It" is my past, my present, the future, worry and stress, even the promises He has made anything that I have placed ahead of God. I sing of surrender, but I only want to give what is easy to let go of. I sing that I love God more than anything, but I am unwilling to go any farther than laying "it" on the alter.

Abraham was ready to go all the way. He had the wood, the fire, and the knife and everything that it would require for him to sacrifice his son, his promise. He didn't stop at just laying Isaac on the alter, but I do. I stop, waiting for the "angel of the Lord" to let me know I have gone far enough, and that I really don't have to go through with it. And today, God was calling me out.

God, I don't want to just lay my life at the alter. I don't want to stop at laying down, anymore. But am I really able to sacrifice, ready to sacrifice? Can I take a long awaited promise and really give it up? God if that is what you are calling me to do, then I want to do it. I want to do nothing more than bring You glory. To love You with all that I am. To give You everything.

Finding Life

Withering Away

A flower in the sun withers away.
The cool morning seemingly greets her
With a warmth that promises great things.
A trusting flower withers and falls away.

God, I feel like I'm dying inside.
Slowly withering away.
Is this You bringing out a new life?
Or is this me refusing to go Your way?

To die; death brings new life.
A flower dies and spreads seeds
The water falls and the sun warms
Only time will tell if new life will be.

Are You glorified in the death of a flower
Or the raising of something new?
Or is Your glory displayed in the splendor
Of the flowers fragrance, its bloom?

I only want to live
And to live is to bring You glory.
I only want to live
I only want to give You glory.

So, I wrote this last month while I was in a place where it seemed that God was continually taking things from me. And I knew He was saying die to myself, to my past, to who I see myself as. But I just couldn't do it, and His response was to put me in a corner with what He wanted me to do and face it. God is good at that. Putting us face to face with the truth. Not out of spite or to be mean, but to bring us freedom. The only reason He ever exposes the truth to us is so that we walk even more freely, in Him.

The last part of the ryhme is "I only want to live..." I didn't want to die, I didn't want to crucify my flesh. If I could hold on just a little longer, I'd give it up when I was ready. God has a way of bringing us to the point of "being ready." Right before Jesus is about to be handed over to His death, He speaks about the the grain of wheat. If it doesn't fall to the ground and die, it will never produce more fruit. He was speaking of course of His own death, but salvation and freedom are only found when we partake of His death. When we die to our own flesh and are made new in Him.

John 12:24-26

I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds. The man who loves his life will lose it, while the man who hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life. Whoever serves me must follow me; and where I am, my servant also will be. My Father will honor the one who serves me.

Deep

Psalms 42:7-8

Deep calls to deep at the sound of Your waterfalls;
All Your breakers and Your waves have rolled over me.
By day the LORD directs his love,
at night his song is with me—
a prayer to the God of my life.

Okay another one of my favorites. I stood in the kitchen today waiting for my grilled cheese sandwich to cook. Talking out loud to myself cause there is noone here today except for me. Then my talking turned to God. Praying to Him that I would no longer pray as a person worrying about the things of this world. Being reminded by Him that Jesus told us we should pray a simple prayer, acknowledging that God knows our needs before we even ask them.

Our conversation (strange as you may think it sounds), trailed to other things, who His word says He is, who the world thinks He is, who Christians think He is. And how do I see Him? Much like Peter and Jesus, ..."but who do you say that I am?" Many times God has been an unseeble spirit beyond my grasp, and unreachable by my prayers.

But as I stood in my kitchen, by now the sandwich is done and I was no longer waiting, I could feel His spirit, connecting with my spirit. Like rivers and oceans, lakes and streams, all connecting. There is nowhere that I can go, that I am too far for Him to speak to me, to reach me, to save me. There are times that my spirit inside of me, cries out. Much like Romans 8:26 &27.

In the same way the Spirit also helps our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we should, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words;
and He who searches the hearts knows what the mind of the Spirit is, because He intercedes for the saints according to the will of God.

God I thank You for Your Holy Spirit that fills me and reveals to me the things hidden in You.

Seeking: The Marvelous Mystery

Well, here is a continuation of the last blog:

Partial lyrics from
Revelation Song

I’m filled with wonder awestruck wonder
At the mention of Your name
Jesus, Your name is power breath and Living Water
Such a marvelous mystery

Sunday at church we sang this song, and it hit me as we were singing this verse, that once again, God is a mystery to sought after.

So, here I am again poring over the meaning of this. Everything that Jesus is; life, breath, a mystery. I wrote a blog last year about how I wanted to be sought after, and how God had been persuing me. Here I am today realizing there is even more to it than that. God wants us to persue Him. Like playing hide and seek, only He hides in plain sight, because His goal is to not remain hidden, but for us to come to Him, to find Him, and stay with Him. But I think sometimes we stop searching Him out. We forget there are even more mysteries that He wants to share with us. Maybe we think we have learned all there is to know. But the depths of God are unfathomable.

God I want to continue seeking you. Thank you for persuing me, but I want to run after You. To find You anew everyday. I don't want to be content with where I am, but to go deeper into You, to continue chasing after Your marvelous mysteries.

Seeking

Matthew 6:33-34


"But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."

Remember what it was like to play hide and go seek as a kid? Excited, nervous, scared, but there was nothing greater than it. I remember once when I still really young, somewhere between 3 and 5. We were at a family reunion and all my cousins were outside playing hide and go seek. It was dark, and the only light was from the porch, which of course was base. I stood on the porch for long time watching everyone run around and screaming and chasing each other. I wanted to play but they weren't letting me. Until finally one of the older kids coaxed me off the porch. That was the most fun I remember having at a family reunion.

Matthew 13:44

"The kingdom of heaven is like a treasure hidden in the field, which a man found and hid again; and from joy over it he goes and sells all that he has and buys that field.

Imagine the excitement this man must have felt when he found a treasure hidden a field. But he went and hid it again, and sold all that he had so he could go and seek that treasure again. Do we seek God and His will, His kingdom, His light, like this man? Are we willing to wake up every morning with a new and revived desire and passion to seek Him like a treasure hidden a field.

I find that I am often too distracted by the day and what it holds. I'm thinking about what is going to happen further in the day, that night, and the next day. I am worrying about bills, my paycheck, I'm wasting time with the cares of this world. What would happen if I completely gave my day to the Lord everytime I woke up. From the moment my eyes opened to the moment they closed and even while I was sleeping. All that we need and can even think to ask for He has promised to provide. Earlier Matthew 6, Jesus tells us how we ought to pray, not as people worrying, but as people who trust in their God.

Matthew 6:7-13

"And when you are praying, do not use meaningless repetition as the Gentiles do, for they suppose that they will be heard for their many words. So do not be like them; for your Father knows what you need before you ask Him. Pray, then, in this way:

'Our Father who is in heaven, hallowed be Your name. Your kingdom come Your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread. And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors. And do not lead us into temptation, but deliver us from evil.'"

Faith, Worth More Than Gold

1 Peter 1:6-7


In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed.

Worth (n) - excellence of character or quality as commanding esteem, usefulness or importance, as to the world, to a person, or for a purpose, value, a quantity of something of a specified value, wealth; riches; property or possession

Faith. I read the above scripture yesterday for the second time. I had read it earlier and even put it in my last blog, but I didn't really pay that much attention to the part about faith being a greater worth than gold. Not until yesterday. And now I find myself thinking about what the faith in my own life. Do I know the usefulness or importance of faith in my life, it's purpose in my life, and it's value in my life? Faith has worth, an excellence of quality. Do I pocess faith in such a way that it is an excellent quality?

When I seem to go through "various trials" my first reaction is not to praise God, as I confessed in my previous post. I don't rely on my faith. Instead I do the complete opposite. For a long time now, I have struggled with having faith, I have put worth in my own works. And to that God says...

Psalm 127:1-2

"Unless the LORD builds the house, they labor in vain who build it; unless the LORD guards the city, the watchman keeps awake in vain. It is vain for you to rise up early, to retire late, to eat the bread of painful labors; or He gives to His beloved even in his sleep."

God, I cannot depend on my works or anything of this world any longer. When the trials come, and my life is tested, the only thing that will withstand is faith. Faith in You. That is faith is proven genuine, the real deal and results in the praise, glory, and honor of Jesus Christ; the One who saves. Just like Paul and Silas were praising You in the midst of the prison, it resulted in the jailer and his whole household being saved and giving you praise. Lord, I want the praise of You to be a part of who I am. Not something I have to force or practice or work at, but it is natural to praise you in all situations. That only comes when my faith is proven to be genuine.

I Will Praise The Lord

I Will Praise The Lord
Words and Music by Ray Boltz

Bleeding in the darkness
The cell was cold and black
Driven to unconsciousness
The stripes on his back
He heard a voice call out his name
His mind began to clear
And in the darkness Paul replied
Silas I’m here
Oh my brother Silas
Paul uttered with a groan
Today when they were beating us
I thought We were going home
And when I opened up my eyes
I was going to look at Jesus’ face
But here we are together
In this dreadful place

But I will praise the Lord
I will praise the Lord
No matter what tomorrow brings
What it has in store
I will praise the Lord

I will praise the Lord
I will praise the Lord
No matter what tomorrow brings
What it has in store
I will praise the Lord

This may be a prison
And these may be chains
Still I am free
Free to praise His name
And in tribulation
My heart still sings
He is my Messiah
Yes He is my King of Kings
Prisoners started waking up
Singing filled their ears
Some men started swearing
Others were in tears
Then suddenly it happened
There was no mistake
As Paul and Silas praised the Lord
The walls began to shake

I will praise the Lord
I will praise the Lord
No matter what tomorrow brings
What it has in store
I will praise the Lord

I love this song. It is undoubtedly one of my all time favorites, it always brings me back to the reality of where I really am. Acts 16 is also one of my favorites chapters to read, it has brought hope to me countless times.

Today, I was leaving church, feeling somewhat dissappointed. I find myself yet again in the midst of a spiritual struggle, and the conflict between my flesh and my spirit has me in a state of confusion. I am still trying to do things in my own way, on my own terms, and in my own strength. But God is showing the purpose of His spirit in my life (and we will get to that soon, believe me I can't wait to write the blog about knowing the purpose of the Holy Spirit, in your life), and it is to be my helper.

So in my car on the way home, I was telling God out of my dissappointment that I would do what it seems He is telling me (God doesn't always tell us we are going to get what we want). So, I said, "God I will praise You where ever I am." In my spirit, I knew what God was saying. Really? In chains (not physical chains, but spiritual ones)? See Paul and Silas could have easily sat in the prison and grumbled and complained and blamed God for their current situation, but broken, bruised, and near death they rejoiced in their suffering.

This isn't the first time God has spoken to me about rejoicing in my so called sufferings (cause really do I suffer as much as Paul and Silas did?).

1 Peter 1:6-7
In this you greatly rejoice, even though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been distressed by various trials, so that the proof of your faith, being more precious than gold which is perishable, even though tested by fire, may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ

and...
1 Peter 4:12-13
Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery ordeal among you, which comes upon you for your testing, as though some strange thing were happening to you; but to the degree that you share the sufferings of Christ, keep on rejoicing, so that also at the revelation of His glory you may rejoice with exultation.

and...
Romans 5:2b-5
And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.

Not that my sufferings are anywhere near what the early christians had to suffer. I have never been beaten or tortured for the sake of Christ. But I fight the same fight that has been fought, even long ago, the struggle is as Eph 6 puts it; "... not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms." There are times I feel alone, and times when I feel so defeated, but I know that God has not left me, and that the final victory belongs to Him. It is this hope that should cause me to praise him even the midst of the battle, the struggle, the suffering.

Lord I will praise You where ever I am. If I am alone, if I am defeated, if I am living victoriously, I will praise You. I will praise You in the depths of valleys and the heights of the mountains, You are there and You are with me, and I will praise You.